


Aberrant

by BabyWithWings, ItinerantAvthor



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Natural Disaster, Coming of Age, Consensual Underage Sex, Discrimination, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Gay, Multi, Pon Farr, Prejudice, Segregation, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 01:51:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18863323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyWithWings/pseuds/BabyWithWings, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItinerantAvthor/pseuds/ItinerantAvthor
Summary: After the Great Disaster, the humans found themselves without a home planet. What was once 7 billion was now 3 million, and thanks to the Vulcans, a mentally superior race the Humans had only recently come in contact with, they were able to take refuge on Vulcan. But when the Vulcans stop assisting the humans in their attempt to find a new home, the humans are stranded on Vulcan, grieving, and resigned to their new life. Two generations later, the human youth become aware of the Vulcans, and outrage sparks as they realize the Vulcans live without homelessness, without starvation, and without care. James Kirk, a young 14 year old boy, is one of the few left who don't want violence. When the Vulcans make an attempt to bring peace, it's up to the young Kirk to bring understanding between the two species... But when Jim sees just how reluctant both species are, he realizes that is much easier said than done.





	1. Chapter 1

The Disaster was the most gruesome day in Human history. According to eyewitnesses, the air was hot and the skies were black; the ground jumped and shook and almost everyone on the North American Continent died. The Yellowstone Caldera eruption and the San Andreas ‘Big One’ earthquake occurred in less than twenty four hours of each other. Acid rain ate away at the walls and roofs of homes, wildfires sprouted up and down the West Coast, flooding swept away statues, vehicles, even monuments in the East, and tremors threatened along the Ring of Fire when Vulcans, an alien species the Humans had recently become acquainted with, beamed as many survivors as possible onto their ships and took them to their home planet - an act of conservation.

What was once 7 billion was now 3 million. Those who survived were grateful. Among those three million were two very important people; Tiberius Winifred Kirk II and Allison Madelyn Thiel-Kirk. The two had been married only two weeks when The Disaster happened. They were on their honeymoon in Rome. 

Allison had always wanted kids. But after The Disaster, she found herself wondering: why? Why would she bring a life into the world, if it would only be taken from her? And still, much to Allison’s dismay, she fell pregnant two years later. One night, when Tiberius was at work, she lay in bed, eight months pregnant with their first and only son, stomach swollen, a particularly nasty heat flash keeping her awake. The tears pooled at the corner of her eyes and fell down the sides of her face. She put a hand over her belly. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered to him.  _ I’m sorry you’ll never see the blue sky and the sparkling water that I did. I’m sorry we didn’t choose to have you. I’m sorry you won’t see easy times. I’m sorry your whole life will be spent trying to prove that you can be useful. I’m sorry I’m going to bring you into this world. I’m so sorry, George. _

Winona Jeanette Hart, the daughter of James Milton Hart and Gina Heather Hart, was a few months old when the Disaster struck. She had been told survival stories since she could comprehend them. They learned about The Disaster in school. Teachers always cried when speaking about it. So would the older kids. The younger ones couldn’t understand why, although some of the more empathetic toddlers would cry with them. Winona Hart wasn’t one of them.

Winona met George in the eighth grade. She was walking home, and suddenly a boy with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes ran into her, desperately clinging to something in his arms; a salami from the deli. 

_ “You get back here, boy!”  _ a man yelled, and she shoved the boy off. 

“Help me,” he whispered, and she pursed her lips. “I’ll give you half!” he pleaded.

Winona paused at that. She didn’t have much time left; Mr. Greenwell would be rounding the corner any second now. But she knew she could use this as leverage for the F on her report card - maybe she should make her parents ignore it (English sucked. Her family was French). Food was scarce, meat a rarity. So she grabbed the salami and shoved it in her bag. 

Mr. Greenwell then turned the corner, face red and eyes flashing. “Where’s the meat?!” he shouted at the boy, reaching for his collar even as he ducked behind Winona.

“What meat, Mister Greenwell?” Winona asked innocently, and the butcher’s expression softened, his fist relaxing back by his side.

“Nothin’ to worry your mind about, Winnie,” he said. Mr. Greenwell had lost his daughter in The Disaster. He always said how Winona looked like her. He shook his head sadly, then seemed to remember his purpose and glared Sam. 

“Where is it, Georgie?” 

“Mr. Greenwell,” Winona spoke up a second time. “He’s alright. I asked him to come to my house for dinner; he was rushing to meet me here.” 

Greenwell eyed her suspiciously. “You sure?”

“Honest, Mr. Greenwell.” 

The Butcher nodded and walked away; whether or not he believed her not apparently didn’t matter. Winona turned to George when the man was a safe distance away. She pulled the meat out of her bag and tore it in half, giving some to George. “Pleasure doin’ business with ya,” she grinned, and George smiled back.

“George Kirk. Nice to meet you.”

“Winona Hart,” she replied, jutting her chin out proudly. “I’ll see ya around, George Kirk.”

He nodded at her as she turned on her heel. Winona made her way home. Her Momma was suspicious of the salami, but her Daddy lifted her up and twirled her in the air he was so happy. She smiled and hugged him, thinking about the blonde. Fate worked in mysterious ways, she supposed, because that very next day, George Kirk was in her class. The two were inseparable from that day on.

 

It was around this time that the Vulcans began to give grants to the Humans. The Humans sent messages and higher-ranking officials of their makeshift government to the main city to address bigger issues; they didn’t have enough people who were qualified to make a ship or find a planet, and they didn’t have the materials. Each time, the Vulcans gave a cold response, saying they didn’t want to spend resources on beings that were considered temporary. No one knew if that meant eventually they would help, or if they were simply waiting for the Humans to die off. 

Still, the Humans tried. They used what scrap metal they could find, but even with the shell of a ship that may or may not work, they ran into the issue of fuel. Dilithium crystals didn’t grow on trees, and mycelium spores were dangerous without a tardigrade, not to mention the spores wouldn’t survive in the Vulcan heat. Whenever they asked for help, they were denied again and again. Grief-ridden and frustrated, scientists closed down the project to focus on more important matters, using any grants given by the Vulcans for schooling, agriculture, and the upkeep of the many orphanages on their plot of land. 

Two months later, a Vulcan Ambassador, Sarek, came to their city, now dubbed the Human Expanse. He told them they were no longer allowed in the Vulcan cities. When asked why, he said it was because the Human experiment was a failure. He didn’t go further into detail. Winona remembered that day as the day she hugged George for the first time. She, for the first time since having come to Vulcan 12 years ago, wept over their situation. George told her it was going to be alright.

And Winona believed him.

 

Winona Hart and George Kirk married on a Tuesday, 14 years later. The meal was Salami Carbonara. Winona’s best woman was her older sister, Michelle. George’s best man was Christopher Pike, his best friend. Their honeymoon was spent in their home, the one they had built together. The product of that night was their first child; George Samuel Kirk II. George had been a bit of an accident, but a happy one nonetheless (though Winona did take up a job to purchase birth control). 

George (or Sammy, as Winona called him) was a happy baby. He was breastfed, but eased into applesauce easily. George Sr. built Sammy his crib, his first toddler bed, and his first twin sized bed. Sammy loved the color green ever since the day he was born. It made Winona sad to think he wouldn’t see that color very often on Vulcan.

Sammy met Aurelan on his first day of school. He came home to his mother and father and gushed about his new friend; Winona and George gave knowing, happy looks. 

 

When James was born six years later, Winona and George Sr.’s second son, George began to feel an odd pain in his stomach. He ignored it, had more than enough to worry about with the arrival of their next child (he had been born early, there wasn’t nearly enough time to build the crib). However, the pain worsened each day, and it wasn’t long before George Sr. stopped eating. When Jim turned two, George collapsed at work.

He was rushed from the corner where he and his men had been welding a gas line shut (the corner of Rodden and Sturgeon street) to the hospital. Sammy was called out of school, Winona went home and took Jim from the babysitter. She was already red-faced and crying when she stepped into the building. She was quickly ushered to George Sr.’s room. He was barely conscious. 

“Georgie,” Winona whispered, sitting beside him. George Sr. smiled at his wife weakly. 

“Hey, Winnie,” he said, lifting a hand to cup her cheek. 

She held his hand, tears falling more heavy than before.

“Daddy?” Sammy asked, reaching forward to hold his father’s free hand. James was trying to climb onto the medical bed, letting out soft whines of concern. George Sr. lifted his sons onto the blankets that covered him. 

“I’ll be fine, kiddo,” the elder said, gently squeezing Sam’s hand. 

“Don’t lie to him, George,” Winona whispered, eyes red with tears. “You’ve had that pain in your side for the past two years. You never once thought to go to the doctor-”

“We couldn’t afford it, Winnie,” George whispered, looking to his wife. “We still can’t.” Winona looked at the ground, trying desperately not to sob in front of her young sons. “It’s cancer, Winn… Liver cancer. My Pop died of it when I was a teen - you remember…”

“You don’t know that,” Winona said sharply. “You don’t know if it’s cancer, you just… you don’t, so don’t you say that, George Samuel Kirk, don’t-”

“Winona.” He gave her a soft, sweet smile. “I know how you get when you’re upset… you get angry… You always look so adorable when you jut your chin out, pretending to be okay, and I won’t push you to be different… But I want you to know that I love you, Winnie. I love you so much.” 

“Stop talking like that,” she whispered. “You aren’t going to die… we’ll find the money. We’ll find a way.” 

George just smiled. They both knew that was a lie. A doctor stepped in, and Winona stood up, walking over and stepping outside with him to hear the news.

“Dada,” James said, tone afraid. George looked to his youngest, and he kissed his forehead softly. 

“You two treat your Momma with respect. She is always right, and don’t you dare try to argue with her. She is the kindest, most loving woman I have ever met, and she loves you two more than life itself - you understand me, boys?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Sammy said. George smiled, a blatant contrast from the tears and sadness in his eyes.

“I believe that we are all born for a reason,” he said softly, holding his sons close. “And the reason I was born was to bring you two into the world. You are my greatest blessings, and I want you to promise me that you’ll reach for the stars, alright? You reach as far as you can, and you find happiness, because my God, you deserve it.” 

“Okay, Daddy.” Sammy was beginning to look a little sad, and a touch afraid. James had begun to fall asleep against his father, listening to George Sr.’s heartbeat. He held onto his father. 

“Sammy… promise me that you will look after them, alright? Jimmy and Mommy. You need to make sure that they are alright, no matter what it takes.”

“I promise, Daddy.”

“Thank you, Buddy.” He kissed the tops of their heads and gave a soft sigh, tears sliding down his cheek bones. When Winona came back to the hospital room, it didn’t take much to realize what the doctor had told her. Her puffy, red eyes proved George’s assumptions about his liver was correct. “We can’t afford a transplant, Winnie… we just can’t.”

“I know… But I don’t want to lose you,” she sighed, sitting beside him and gently pushing Jim’s golden locks out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. “They need you.”

“You won’t ever lose me,” George murmured, smiling. “I’ll always be here for you… Just this time, it’ll be through them.”

“That won’t be the same…”

“No… But it will be everything you need. I love you so much, Winona. You changed my life.” He smiled, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair gently. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For hiding that salami from Mr. Greenwell.” Winona gave a sob and held onto George, gripping his hand.

 

The next few months for George were spent at home. Without treatment, George wasn’t considered able to sufficiently do his job, and ended up getting laid off. Winona worked nearly thirteen hours a day for two jobs to support the family while Sammy looked after Jimmy and George. He got his homework from friends, having them tutor him and give the homework in for him. Sammy never knew how hard it was to look after someone until he was the one doing it. 

George only got worse. The most they could afford was prescription pain medication to allow him to sleep. Even then, it tightened their budget significantly. Sometimes, when George woke up in the morning, he was in so much pain he couldn’t speak… and he was thankful. If he were screaming, it would frighten the kids too much. But it terrified Winona more. He never could get anything past her.

George Samuel Kirk Sr. died on a Tuesday. Part of Winona was thankful. She knew his pain had become unmanageable, that at least now, he wasn’t in pain anymore. 

But mostly, she wanted to hear him call her Winnie one last time.

 

When tablets came to the Humans for the first time, every child wanted one. Jimmy was no different - though he didn’t make his wants known, because it was rare he got anything he really wanted. Not because his family didn’t try, but rather because everything was expensive. The Kirk family just didn’t have that kind of money. 

No one really knew who took the picture. It just showed up one day, under the username  _ thehumanexperiment _ . It had to be a picture over the east wall - it was rumored that was the closest wall to the Vulcan city. That’s what the picture was. No one realized just how advanced the Vulcans were. Even from a distance, they could see technological accomplishment beyond their imaging. Tall skyscrapers and quick-moving hovercars, clean and sophisticated and thriving. The next picture was one of the Human Expanse. Poverty, homelessness, starvation, dirt roads and houses varying in safety. It was a surreal set of images.

It put the youth of humanity into an angered state of uneasiness. The Vulcans had the resources to help, why didn’t they? Why did they treat humanity like plague victims? They chose to save the humans and help them rebuild, why did they stop?

Articles began to circulate from years ago, and “the Human experiment,” both the username and the historic words, spread like wildfire. S’chn T’gai Sarek, a member of the council and the ambassador who had visited so many years ago, was the epicenter of scrutiny when Human youths educated themselves on the history of the Human/Vulcan alliance. 

Sarek was an ambassador of sorts. That’s why he was chosen to tell the Humans that they were no longer going to help the humans. It made them wonder if doing that allowed for the success he and his family saw now. 

As Humans created their own form of internet for the first time since the Disaster, it was hard to get the data they had before. They had little to no time to save it all before they were beamed up onto the Vulcan ships. They had lost everything they knew about the Vulcans. They relied mostly on eyewitness accounts of the early days. 

But, as it always is with biased sources, many clashed and were likely blown out of proportion. That didn’t make what the Vulcans were doing right, not even close, but when Jim Kirk asked his brother why they weren’t willing to understand that it was likely that people’s emotions were getting in the way of the truth, Sammy said that he “sounded like one of them goddamn pointy bastards.” Jim stopped telling Sammy his opinions after that.

The first human to leave the Expanse was a fourteen year-old boy named Nigel. He walked all the way to ShiKahr, which was a fair distance in and of itself, only to be immediately detained by the Vulcan “security assurance” and dumped back in the Expanse with a firm warning that if he ever came back, he would be processed and charged with trespassing. Nigel came back with his haunting story, talking about cold eyes and green hues and sharp, pointed ears. Jim didn’t quite believe him when he said that the Vulcans “manhandled” him into the car and shoved him out, insulting him all the way there. But he didn’t let that be known to anyone else, either.

Jim was fourteen when things began to change for him. His mother sold his family home and moved into the poorer part of town, so she could finally quit one job to focus on the other, higher paying one. His new home had two bedrooms, one bathroom,  a small living room, and a small kitchen that doubled as their dining room. Their home was sparse, that was for sure. Winona got her own room. The boys only had the one bed. Jim often took the old couch in the living room, knowing how hard Sammy worked every day making new homes for incoming residents from the poorer side of town. And if Jim got a few knots in his back from sleeping on the hard cushions, well, he never let on about it. 

He had friends. Tons of friends, actually. He had Leonard, Uhura, Janice, Christine, Pavel, Scotty, and Hikaru. Leonard, Christine, and Scotty were older than Jim; Pavel, Janice, and Hikaru were younger, but not by too much. Uhura was the only one who was his age. They all went to the same school, played together during lunch, walked home together. Pavel only lived a few doors down. Jim did well in school. He wanted to do his mother and brother proud. She always told him that if he did well in school, he would get a good job, make good money, and be able to support their family. Sammy stopped going to school after the tenth grade. He found a full-time job in building homes, and while the pay wasn’t great, it was enough to keep them afloat, in combination with Winona’s pay from fixing appliances at an electronics store. 

Jim had a good life. Good friends, loving family, good grades, and he was happy in spite of his circumstances. And then Nigel went to the Vulcans, which sparked a movement. Humans were practically jumping the walls to walk to the Vulcan city, all being detained and taken back with a warning. Sammy was one of them. Jim didn’t like disturbing the peace, even if he believed in the cause. And then the mayor of the Expanse, Christopher Pike, made a formal statement on the matter. He said  _ the way the Vulcans disregard us as lesser beings is disgusting and degrading, and if they want us gone, they either have to help us or kill us. _

And then it was the Vulcan’s turn to respond. It seemed as if the world had gone silent for a long time. As it turns out, Vulcans weren’t fans of the formal statement setting, and it was a few weeks before Sarek himself came to the Expanse unannounced since he told them they were being segregated. With him were two other council members; a woman with a complex headcover and a small, Vulcan boy stood at the gates of the Expanse. It wasn’t long before a crowd came to listen to what they had to say.

Jim remembered standing with his mother and brother. He remembered looking up at the the tall Vulcan, briefly making eye contact with him. Jim gave him a smile, hoping that it would ease any public speaking anxiety he might have. His mother told him he should do that when his classmates were presenting projects to give them confidence. They would always smile back. Sarek just blinked and looked away. Jim’s smile faded and he looked to the boy. He didn’t appear much older than him, and let on as much as Sarek did about what he was thinking or feeling. 

“We have heard your concerns,” Sarek said. “And we have come to realize that leaving you to your devices perhaps was not the best course of action. However, Vulcan society is not ready for full integration, so we propose a counter. We will accept a handful of your young to enter the Vulcan Learning Center; I believe you know it as a Primary & Secondary school. We will accept children between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, and the requirements for entry are as follows; a GPA of 3.9 or higher, the highest possible passing grades for each class as of current date, and must be able to purchase their own tablet and appropriate clothing for school. We will provide both transportation to and from the Expanse and The Learning Center and a meal halfway through the learning hours. Should this integration prove successful, we will more heavily consider a full integration.” 

The Humans weren’t sure how to react. They didn’t expect their cries to be heard - it was unthought of in Human history that the oppressor admitted his faults. 

“That is agreeable, “ Christopher Pike spoke. “Thank you for listening to our protests.” 

Sarek lifted an eyebrow, as if to say, ‘you didn’t gave us much of a choice’, but nodded nonetheless.

“We will choose children in two days time. Please present each child that fulfills the requirements on that date. Until then.” Sarek lifted the ta’al. “Live long and prosper.” 

Jim looked at his hands as the Vulcans began to walk away, pushing his middle and ring fingers apart to form the ta’al. Sammy smacked his hands, giving him a stern look.

“Hey,” Winona said sharply, eyes narrowed at Sammy. “Don’t hit your brother… besides, he fits the requirements.” 

Jim looked up at her, eyes wide.

“Really?” he asked.

“We can’t afford to buy him Vulcan clothes,” Sammy said sharply.

“Yes, we can… it’ll just take some time. I can get you a discounted tablet with my connections at the engineering store. I have a friend that can get you Vulcan robes… We’ll get you the lighter ones, for the heat. Speaking of which, we should get out of the sun. It’s almost midday.” Midday was the hottest part of the day. People got nasty sunburns if they weren’t careful. The Kirks made their way back home, Jim to do his homework, Sammy and Winona to get ready for their shifts.

 

“She said that I met the requirements,” Jim told Leonard one day during lunch.

“You probably do, Jim,” Leonard said, sitting next to his younger friend as he laid on a bench. “You’re a smart kid.” 

“Yeah, and I don’t have any particular anger toward the Vulcans, but… but what if they take me, and Sammy hates me for going? What if they all think I’m okay with how the way they treated us for all those years?” 

“I don’t think they will, kid. They’ll be choosing a handful of students that meet the requirements at random, most likely.” 

“Don’t you find that strange?” Jim asked, turning over onto his stomach and looking up at McCoy. “Vulcans don’t seem like the kind of people to do anything at random. So why this?”

“I don’t know, to make us feel better?”

“Since when have they ever cared about how we felt?” Jim retorted. Sammy would be proud of his words.

McCoy paused at that, then shrugged.

“I don’t know, Jim. But whatever happens, you’ll be alright. You can say no to it, if you’re picked.”

“Yeah,” Jim murmured, turning back onto his back. That was the problem. Undoubtedly, someone would say no. But Jim didn’t want to. He wanted to integrate - segregation was the problem, right? So saying no would only prove to the Vulcans that this was a failed experiment. His mind told him that the Humans weren’t an experiment, but Jim didn’t think that it mattered what they thought, only that they prove them wrong.

  
  


“You shouldn’t go,” Uhura said. She was the other person of their friends group who fit the requirements. She was in the upper-middle class. Her mother was a surgeon and her father was an architect. They raised her to be clever, to not take any shit, and she was the smartest of their grade. She was particularly adept in learning new languages. If anyone deserved to be picked, it was her. It was, dare he say, logical.

“Why not? They could teach us plenty,” he said, looking at his friend as she studied for her math final.

“It’s not about what they could teach us. It’s about respect. They want a few children, while we demanded immediate and total integration. The adults seem fine with it. But we aren’t. I don’t know about you, Jimmy, but I’m tired of waiting for people to get their heads out of their asses, knowing full and well that they won’t.”

“Well, I don’t think that it’s fair we hold the Vulcans to a human standard. Everything is different for them. And while what they did to us wasn’t right… It’s not fair to show extreme aggression. They don’t know what they’re doing. At least they’re considering integration at all.”

“Shut up, Kirk, of course they know what they’re doing. Oppression isn’t blind.” 

Jim pursed his lips at Nyota’s words but said nothing more on the matter. That didn’t help him at all.

 

“He’s gonna say no if they choose him,” Sammy told his mother as she gifted the tablet to her youngest son. “We’re wasting time and money.”

“Funnily enough, I don’t think it’s your decision, Samuel,” Winona said, lifting an eyebrow at him. “Whether or not Jim chooses to go is up to him. Either way, he’s been very good in his schooling. He deserves this.” 

Sammy frowned but said nothing more. Jim carefully handled the tablet. He set it on the counter, not wanting to break it before he got a chance to use it. 

“Now. You two go wash up, and dinner will be ready soon,” Winona announced.

Sammy and Jim made their way to the bathroom to wash their hands and face.

“You’re gonna say no.” It wasn’t much of a question, so Jim didn’t reply to his older brother. But Sammy lifted an eyebrow and nudged his arm. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Jim said, trying to make himself sound believable. “‘Course.” Somehow, that felt wrong. But Sammy seemed to believe them. 

“Good. Now leave, I have to go to the bathroom.” 

Jim’s hands dipped into the cold water, then lathered them with soap and rinsed them off, drying off his hands quickly and making his way over to the kitchen, where his mother was stirring a pot of chili.

“Momma?” Jim asked softly, voice quiet, in case Sammy could hear them.

“Yes, Baby?” She looked to her youngest, and Jim looked down.

“...Is it wrong to want to go to the Vulcan school?” Jim couldn’t meet her eyes out of fear. “Because… Sammy doesn’t want me to go, and I don’t know why… but I want to go.”

“Sweetheart,” she cooed, tilting her son’s head up. “You should go if you want to. And even if you don’t want to, that’s alright. I know that your father… He wanted you to be happy, Jimmy.” She sighed softly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Sammy doesn’t want to integrate because he thinks it’s all been too easy. But if we play the bad guy, if we allow ourselves to be angry and spiteful, we become the people they think we are. Besides, despite what Sammy thinks, progress can’t be made without moving forward.”

Jim found some clarity in these words. They weren’t nearly as accusing and forceful as Sammy and Nyota’s. 

They were far easier to believe.

 

There seemed to be a silent understanding that every child who met the requirements would say no. Anxiety built in Jim’s body as he was stood in line with Nyota on his right and a boy from the grade above him on his left. There were twenty-three of them in all. Behind them were their families, and after that was the rest of the Humans. The High Council stood in the gates, before the children. They asked the older children first - they all said no. For whatever reason, the Vulcan’s didn’t seem at all perturbed by this. Jim couldn’t tell if it was because they were expecting their cold shoulders, or if they were counting on it.

The next oldest kids were asked for their decisions, and, unsurprisingly, they said no, too, probably following the older kids’ lead. Or maybe they were in on the pact, too. Then it came time for the youngest level of the group; fourteen to thirteen year olds. Jim’s level. 

“What is your name?” Sarek asked the child.

The boy squared his shoulders. “Nigel Everman,” he declared. 

Sarek’s eyes glinted in recognition. 

“Age?”

“Fourteen.”

“Will you attend?”

“Not if my life depended on it.” 

Sarek’s eyebrow lifted, and he moved on. The echo of no’s sounded through each child, and Jim’s heart began to race. Nyota jutted her chin out as she looked at the tall Vulcan, seemingly unafraid.

“What is your name?”

“Nyota Uhura.”

“Age?”

“Fourteen.”

“Will you att-”

“Never.” 

Her eyes narrowed as Sarek stared at her for a moment. He then moved on. Jim felt as if every eye in or around the Expanse was on him, that his heart was going to jump out of his chest, and lay beating on the dirt road before him.

“What is your name?” Brown eyes, nearly as dark as black, bore into Jim’s bright blue. Hand shaking, he brushed his blonde hair out of his face.

“Jim Kirk,” he said, trying to make his voice more confident. There seemed to be a mutual understanding between himself and the older man that they both knew his confidence was a facade.

“Age?”

“Fourteen, Sir.” He could feel the judgement on his back. No other child had shown Sarek that amount of respect. He could practically hear Sammy telling him how ridiculous he was. Odd how such a simple word could mean so much. 

“Will you attend?” 

Oh, if only that were easy to answer. On one hand, he didn’t want to give in. He didn’t want to potentially lose everything, likely for nothing. He didn’t want to disappoint his family, his friends, his father… On the other hand, Jim enjoyed learning. And he didn’t believe in maintaining this divide between their species. They lived on the same planet - they had to get along if Humans were going to survive. Humans repopulated fast. They were bound to run out of space eventually.

But neither scenario made the decision easier.

_ Progress can’t be made without moving forward. _

“Yes.” 


	2. Chapter 2

A murmur spread through the crowd. Nyota punched Jim in the shoulder, but he didn’t break eye contact with Sarek.

“Are you sure?” The elder of the two asked.

“Quite, Sir.”

“An interesting choice.” The crowd went quiet to hear Jim’s response - his reasoning. This was much more than an explanation, it was a judgement of his innocence before his people.

“Progress can’t be made without moving forward,” he said, and he felt his mother place her hands on his shoulders, not gripping, just gentle encouragement. It was like breathing cold air after suffocating. The doubt and anxiety went away, if only for a moment. Sarek tilted his head ever so slightly.

“I suppose there is merit to those words.” 

Jim nodded and Sarek moved on. Jim hadn’t convinced anyone else to go the Vulcan Learning Center. The crowd dispersed and Sarek approached Winona and Jim. “I trust you have his clothes and tablet?” he asked Winona.

“I do,” she replied, keeping her hands on Jim’s shoulders. 

“A shuttle will be here at 0730 to take Jim to his class in three days’ time. He will be provided a meal that suits his health requirements, if there are any?”

“Yes,’’ she said. “He’s allergic to milk, soy, peanuts, and shellfish. With your permission, I would like him to keep his medication with him, in case of an emergency.”

“We are amenable to these terms. I assume it is in an injection form, and he can use it on himself?”

“Yes… We appreciate this opportunity.”

Sarek nodded in response and stepped away to converse with the council. He got a glare from most who walked by him. He got one from Nyota, Scotty, and Sulu, but the thing that scared him most was that Sammy seemed to have disappeared. 

“C’mon, Jimmy. Let’s get you out of here.” Jim let his mother steer him home, dread settling in his stomach.

When they got home, Sammy was pacing, seething. Jimmy stepped back toward his mother, who laid a hand over his chest before stepping in front of him and walking in fully.

“You said you would say no,” Sammy spat, eyes narrowed. “Not only are you a liar, you’re a traitor. How could you betray your own species like that?!”

“Sam, relax,” Winona said, putting her hands on her hips. “He didn’t betray anyone.”

“Yes, he did! He betrayed the entire Expanse! And now, they’ll think we owe them something for taking in one of our own!”

“I’m not some helpless child!” Jim spoke up, eyes narrowed.

“You’re cowering behind mom!” Sammy yelled. 

“No, I’m letting her diffuse the situation, but you keep talking like this is the end of the world all over again!”

“It might as well be! You’ve  _ fucked  _ us all, Jim!”

“Enough!” Winona bellowed, and the boys fell silent. “If your father could see you now, you two would be getting the lecture of a lifetime! George Samuel Kirk, don’t you ever speak to your brother like that again! And never speak about the Vulcans like that! I don’t care if you think they’re the source of the problem, they deserve respect just like the rest of us. And you have to take into account that we Humans gave up, too. It’s foolish not to take consider the entire story. And even if none of that matters to you, your little brother should. He knew what he was doing when he said yes, when everyone else said no. He knows the risks. Have you not considered what  _ he _ has lost? And you’re just gonna stand there and rub salt into the wound?” 

Sammy looked to Jim, and suddenly it was apparent that he hadn’t.

“And James Tiberius Kirk, don’t you ever make light of The Disaster! It killed billions of humans, it took away our home world, it was a tragic event that deserves our solemn respect! The Disaster took away so much of our family, and right now, we need each other, because we’re about to go on a difficult journey. I’m not saying you made the wrong choice, Jimmy, but you did make a choice that will change your life. And I’m proud of you for that. But don’t forget from where you came: Earth.” Jim nodded, looking to Sam, and they both looked down.

“Sorry, Momma,” they murmured. 

“I know you are. Now, you two split up for a while. Go blow some steam off.” 

Sammy went to the bedroom, and Jim sat in the living room with his tablet. Winona sighed and got ready for work. 

Later that night, after Sammy and Winona left for work, Jim made himself Mac & Cheese and had Leonard come over. At least Leonard didn’t seem too upset with his decision to go, saying he understood why he did it, even if he didn’t completely agree with it. Jim took the support where he could find it.

Afterwards he cleaned up the house, took a shower, changed into pajamas and went to sleep on the couch. Hours later, he was shaken awake in the middle of the night. It was Sammy.

“Hey,” his voice was gruff - he was still in his work clothes. “Come with me.” 

Jim, too tired to argue, got up and took the jacket Sammy handed to him. He slid it on and followed his brother out of the house, into the street, and to the west wall. Sammy helped Jim up, then climbed up himself, and the two sat, looking out. Sammy reached into his bag and pulled out two beers, opening it with an attachment on his keyring, and handed one to Jim. 

“Look… I was an ass, before. I’m sorry. If you want to go, it’s your decision… I just… I need a reason, Jimmy.” 

Jim looked down at the open beer in his hands, not yet taking a sip.

“Personally, I don’t think that protesting this is the way to go about it,” Jim started softly. “And if it doesn’t work, then at least we know, and it’s all the more reason to fight. But I want to take every opportunity given to work this out without violence, Sam. We need to try. If we don’t… we’re exactly who they think we are.” 

Sammy was quiet for a moment.

“Alright, Jimmy,” he said, looking to his little brother. “Just don’t get one'a those horrifying bowl cuts.” 

Jim laughed.

“No fucking way, dude. I could never pull that off. Hair’s too curly.” 

Sammy chuckled, and the two clinked the neck of the bottles together before each taking a swig. They were quiet for a long moment, looking at ShiKahr. The lights seemed dim for those who meditated at that hour.

“Jim,” Sam said softly, enough to grab Jim’s attention, but not enough to worry him. “I was six when Dad was hospitalized. He made me promise to look out for you and Mom. For a long time, I’ve been wondering what that meant. I think there’s a difference between looking out for you and controlling you. I’m sorry for what I said. You aren’t a traitor, Jimmy. You might be the most human of us all.” He looked at his younger brother. “If anyone is gonna represent the entirety of the human race… I’m glad it’s you.” 

Jim smiled at Sammy, which soon gave way to a worried frown.

“I lost a lot of my friends today,” he said, the joints of his  jaw and sinuses tingling as his eyes watered. “I can’t look anyone in the eye. They all hate me, Sammy.”

“They’ll get over it, Jimbo. I promise.” Sammy took a swig of his beer, and Jim raised it to his lips.

“I really hope you’re right.” He swallowed another mouthful. He found that the bitter drink tasted exactly how it smelt; not great, but not horrible. It could do with a lime.

Jim was just happy to have this moment with his brother.

 

James Kirk was the talk of the town for days. Jim felt the pressure of Nyota’s cold shoulder like an unforgiving weight on his chest. Pavel came over the next day with a basket of homemade tea cakes and a fresh box of Russian Caravan Tea - Jim’s favorites.

“Being angry vit you is useless. Ze decision is made. I can only vish you luck, Jim.” 

Jim let him in with a smile, and the two shared the tea cakes over tea. Scotty came over the second day with a bottle of his family’s Scotch (the Scotts were well known for their brewing company in the Expanse), and the two shared it late that night after hopping the East wall. They spoke of the stars, asking each other what they thought Earth was like. Jim wondered if this was always an inevitability - if every decision they made lead them to this moment, if Earth was destined to go apocalyptic and this segregation was a fixed, pivotal point in Human, and Vulcan, history. Maybe he was overthinking it. Or maybe he wasn’t thinking big enough. Either way, he didn’t entertain the idea that integration relied completely on what he did in the Vulcan Learning Center, that all Human rights in the eyes of the Vulcans depended on him. 

“The only thing you can do is your best,” his mother told him as they stood at the gates of the Expanse, handing him a small bag acceptable by Vulcan standards with his tablet and Epipen. “They might try to tell you that you can’t do it, but you’ve got to give it your best shot. Rise above, my love.” She kissed his forehead softly. Sammy gave his brother a hug, kissing the top of his head. 

“Show them all how wrong they were to underestimate us,” Sammy murmured into his hair. The youngest Kirk smiled softly, then pulled back to hug his friends, pausing when he saw Nyota, arms crossed over her chest. 

“I’m still pissed at you,” she said. “But I’d regret it if I didn’t say good luck.” 

Jim grinned at her.

“I missed you too,” he said. He watched her roll her eyes, but she smiled faintly and punched his shoulder softly. 

“Whatever, dork.” 

The shuttle finally pulled up to the Expanse. With a final hug to his mother, Jim made his way into the shuttle and sat down before the driver began to move away from the Expanse. The anxiety swelled in Jim’s throat as he watched the Expanse become smaller and smaller in the distance. Jim began to wonder if they were really as bad as Sammy said they were. If they were underestimating the Vulcans. So far, they only seemed capable of insulting through their words, but Jim was never one to let words get to him. Or at least, he would try. If going to the Vulcan Learning Center was going to be a violent experience… Jim didn’t know if he could handle it. He didn’t like getting into fights. 

Driving into ShiKahr was a bizarre experience. For starters, everything was clean. There were no homeless people, in fact, there weren’t many people at all. He supposed it was likely due to the fact that most people were at work or about to go into school. Less people to see him… Somehow, that was acceptable to the young blonde.

The shuttle stopped outside of the Vulcan learning center. It was a building of a decent height, but Jim didn’t give himself a long time to observe, he didn’t want to keep the driver waiting. 

“Thank you,” He told the Vulcan, and made sure to keep a good hold on his bag as he stepped out, hearing the gentle hiss of the shuttle door before it drove off. There were children in crowds outside the building, one in particularly staring at him, expressionless. Jim looked away before he could be caught staring, and made his way into the courtyard. No one was looking at him. He let out a silent breath of relief, his anxiety beginning to shake away from him. 

“Jim Kirk,” a familiar voice spoke, and he looked up to see Sarek. “Come with me. We must get your tablet adjusted.”

“Yes, Sir,” He said, keeping his voice down. His mother said something about Vulcans and sensitive ears earlier that morning when they made their way to the gate of the expanse. He followed behind Sarek, being careful not to trip over his robes as he made his way into the building. Jim took out his tablet and handed it to the elder man when they stepped into a large room. 

“The Vulcan Learning Center is not like your regular classroom,  _ nu’ri-komihn _ . We have what are known as skill domes. Projections will come up, and a voice will ask you questions. You must answer them as quickly as possible, otherwise you will get the question wrong. We have calibrated your particular dome to ask you questions you should be able to answer. Each night, it is recommended that you spend one-point-five hours studying on your tablet, so that you will be able to answer the questions in your skill dome.” He handed the tablet back to James. “You will now be able to access your studies through an application on this tablet. As you humans say… Good luck.”  

“Thank you, Sir.” Sarek nodded, and a quiet chime played throughout the halls of the building.

“Come.” Sarek led Jim out of the room and down the hall, Jim putting his tablet into the bag. The corridor alone must have been nicer than most of the Expanse. He soon found himself in a dark, large room, children sliding into a skill dome, setting their things down beside the edge. Sarek led him to one in the far left corner. “This is yours.” Jim nodded, gently setting his bag down and easing himself into the skill dome. “It will begin when you speak.” Jim took a breath.

“Okay.” Blue lights, not too bright, were a sharp contrast from the blackness around him. An equation was put before him: 

**_-6x+3=-15_ **

**“Solve for x,”** a disembodied voice asked him. Jim lifted an eyebrow. 

“Three,” He spoke, and the equation changed.

**_-3x-4=11_ **

**“Solve for x.”**

“...Negative-five.”

**_-9x+7=88_ **

**“Solve for x.”**

“Negative-nine.”

**_-7x=-49_ **

_ Oh dear God,  _ Jim thought as he answered the question.  _ I’m gonna be stuck solving one-step equations for six hours a day?! What crap! Give me something with fractions, at least… _

**_-5x=40_ **

**“Solve for x.”**

_ This is gonna be a long day. _

 

Jim’s feet had begun to hurt by the time lunch as called for, and the skill dome powered down. He climbed out of his dome and, after noting how the other students didn’t grab their bags, left it there, and followed behind the crowd to the lunch room. Jim tried not to rub his eyes at the bright light as he stepped into the room, being very careful not to touch anyone as he got in line to get his meal. The lunch room had glass walls looking into the greenhouse, where many exotic plants were thriving. The tables were small, circular, and spread apart, comfortably fitting four people at most. When it was his turn to get his meal, it was a bowl of what looked like purple soup and a glass of water.

“Thank you,” He murmured before taking a spoon that was dispensed to him at the end of the line and seating himself at an empty table. He didn’t look up at the crowded, but somehow mildly quiet room. His legs and feet thanked him for finally sitting down. Jim ate slowly, being careful not to spill any on his new clothes and to not look like a pig. The soup was hearty, but still tasted like vegetables, and filled him up quickly. It was hot, and it could almost bring tears to his eyes at how pleasant that feeling was. He couldn’t remember the last time he was comfortably full. But he did his best not to let it show in his face, and focused on finishing his meal. 

It wasn’t long before he began to make his way back to the skill dome. His feet got sore faster, up his calves and thighs and into his lower back, answering questions that were far simpler than the equations he had been studying at the expanse. It didn’t make sense; Vulcans were so smart, how come there were giving him easy things to answer? He had barely gotten into fraction work then the topic switched from Math to History. 

Images of war surrounded him, yelling and bombings and hard, deafening rain. 

**“Which Terran World War involved the building of trenches in Belgium?”**

“World War I.”

The images changed to an image of two soldiers escorting a man out.

**“The Terran American government invaded Iraq to arrest and kill which two men in 2003?”**

“Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden.”

The final change was a large volcano erupting, black clouds of ash and magma filling the air. Jim’s blood ran cold.

**“The Terran Disaster was an environmental disaster that claimed the lives of 6.7 billion human lives. What types of disaster occurred, when, and where?”**

Out of the corner of his eye, past the blue, were several humanoid silhouettes. They wanted to see how emotional James would get.

“The Disaster occurred on August 17th, 2064. The Yellowstone Caldera, classified as a supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming, erupted at 5:42 AM. The tremors caused the San Andreas fault to release a high-tension earthquake at 3:18 PM, severing the aqueduct; in addition, the electrical grid shut off, phone lines and internet went down, and disease spread quickly without proper cleanliness. In the weeks following, a series of volcanoes and fault lines in and surrounding the basin of the Pacific Ocean erupted and shifted. America, the economic and military powerhouse of the world, could do little when faced with the spectrum of devastation; seriously hurt, there was little they could do when it came to funding evacuations and hospitals for the healing of those who were already dying. Humans appealed to the Vulcan Council of elders, and conservation of the Human race began. Three million people got out before there was too much ash and sulfur in the air to reach through and beam anyone else out.” His stomach was in knots. He couldn’t say anything more. He hoped it would be taken as an answer. The silhouettes were gone. The images moved on. 

Jim took a deep breath.  _ That was too close for comfort _ .

 

It was only half an hour later before the skill domes turned off, and the children began to climb out. Jim sat on the edge, rubbing his eyes softly before grabbing his bag and pushing himself up on shaky legs. He needed to find a way to be able to stand for long periods of time without getting this sore. Holding his bag to his chest, he began to walk out of the room. His head hurt, his eyes hurt… tomorrow, he would bring his glasses. He needed a nap. He squinted as the light hit his eyes on the way out, making his way to the heat of the outside. It was just past midday, so Jim wasn’t concerned about sunburns. He didn’t have to wait long before the shuttle pulled up and Jim slipped inside, eyes going half-lidded, grateful for the silence.

When they arrived at the expanse, Nyota and McCoy were waiting for him. He gave them a tired smile and got out of the car, suffocating the wince that dared to come out of his mouth when his foot touched the ground.

“Thank you,” He told the driver, closing the door, bag still against his chest as he made his way over to his friends. 

“Hey, kid,” McCoy said, putting his arm over the younger blonde’s shoulders, the three beginning to walk toward Jim’s house. “And how was school today?”

“Good,” Jim murmured. “They give me free food. It’s hot, and it tastes really good, and I’m not allergic to it… the curriculum is different. Slower paced. But… I think it adjusts to how far I get into my studying, so… I’m gonna go home, take a bath, eat, take a nap, and then I’ll get to it.”

“Good plan,” Nyota said. “You look like shit, Jim.”

“Thanks, Ny.”

“No problem.” Jim rolled his eyes with a grin. He caught the glare of several of his once classmates as they passed through town square. It reminded him of Sammy’s words on the wall. He just moved his gaze to the ground, and would have been happy to leave it at that, when McCoy spoke up.

“What’s your issue?!” He snarled at the students, most of which then looking away, but of course, Nigel had to speak up.

“You’re still friends with the traitor!”

“Jim’s not a traitor!” Nyota yelled, hands on her hips.

“Really? Then why did he say yes?!” It was only after a long moment of quiet that Jim realized they were awaiting his response. Jim glanced up at Nigel.

“Because I’m not so quick to eliminate the possibility that we can solve this without violence. This isn’t human vs. human, Nigel, the Vulcans are pacifistic.”

“What does the ocean have to do with Vulcans?!” Jim stared at him a long moment. He could hear some of the students stifling laughter.

“Wow, you’re a fucking idiot.” The words slipped out without filter. And then Nigel was on him, and Jim was on the ground, his bag being caught by Nyota before it landed on the ground. Nigel got one good punch in before Jim shoved him off and got up, dusting off his robes. His opponent scrambled to get up, soon charging at Jim a second time. The blonde was ready, crouching low and wrapping his arms around Nigel’s middle, using the leverage to slam him back down into the ground. It was a move his brother used on him often, when they would wrestle on Sammy’s day off. Of course, the carpeted floors were much softer than the dirt road. 

That’s when Leonard stepped in and pulled the two apart.

“Enough!” He hissed, putting his hands on his waist. “Nigel, it’s pacifistic, not Pacific. It means they don’t pull some bullshit like start fighting’ in the middle’a town! Now, I recommend that you keep your hands to yourself, or we’ll put  _ my  _ pacifism to the test!” He glanced around at the rest of the crowd. “That invitation is extended to the rest’a y’all.” He grabbed Jim by the back of the collar of his robes and tugged him away, Nyota following behind the two. “That was a dumb move, Kirk. You could’a hurt him.” 

Jim grinned at Leonard. “You think I could beat him?”

“Jim, when I broke my ankle when we were playing soccer outside the Expanse a few months back, you carried me on your back all the way to the Hospital and barely broke a sweat. You could have fought that whole crowd and have a decent chance at winning. I ain’t light.”

“No, you aren’t,” He said, and Leonard socked his arm softly. Jim laughed, putting his hands up in surrender. They made their way into the house, Jim going into the bedroom to change out of his robes and into a t-shirt and sweatpants. He walked into the kitchen where Nyota was boiling water for tea and Leonard was rummaging through his own backpack to pull out sandwich supplies. It seemed they had planned to stay for a while.

“You go take a shower, kid, we’ll have food ready when ya get out,” Leonard said, waving Jim off.

“Are-Are you sure? I can help, I’ll run down to the store and get fruit or something-” 

“Jim, you stink, take a shower,” Nyota said, smiling as she pulled out a small container of sliced melon that she put into the tiny refrigerator the Kirk’s owned. Jim grinned at them and went into the bathroom, taking a towel from the basket next to the door, and taking a thorough shower. Jim preferred to take cold showers; they were better for the immune system, it kept him energized, he didn’t use all the hot water, and it was especially nice after the squabble in the town square. Feeling at his jaw, where he’d been hit, he winced a little. There would be a bruise there tomorrow.

He scrubbed his body down with a bar of soap and rinsed off, stepping out and towelling himself off. Shampoo and conditioner were a luxury, but bars of soap could be bought in bulk for cheap. Changing back into the sweatpants and t-shirt, he stretched his arms over his head, his lower back aching as the tension grew. He winced soft and combed through his hair quickly before walking out of the bathroom. He made his way toward the kitchen, pressing the small of his back to the counter, and lifting himself while keeping his lower half lax, and he grimaced as a loud crack filled the air, and the tension left his lower body.

“Jesus H. Christ, Jim,” Bones said, staring at him as Jim lowered himself back down. “One day, you’ll just snap your spine.” Jim grinned at his friend.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re a Doctor.”

“I ain’t a Doctor yet! I’m studying!”

“Close enough, Bonesy.” Jim clapped a hand against his arm with a grin, and Bones pursed his lips, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, yeah, sit down,” He said, and Jim made his way over to the table that Nyota was setting. McCoy came out and set down a plate of sandwiches and a bowl of sliced fruit. Jim waited for Bones and Nyota to serve themselves first before grabbing two sandwiches and two spoonfuls of sliced fruit, pouring himself a glass of iced tea, and digging in. It was something his friends did, every two weeks, if they could afford it. 

“Thank you guys, truly,” Jim said, before unceremoniously shoving a piece of fruit into his mouth. Bones chuckled softly, and ruffled Jim’s damp hair.

“Yeah, no problem, kid.” Nyota grinned a little. She always was the more privileged one of her friend group, what with living in a double income household. She always felt selfish, doing small things like giving her friends lunch helped give her some peace of mind.

By the time the three were fed, the sun was beginning to set, and Jim was almost passed out on the couch. Nyota and Bones quietly cleaned the mess and put away the leftovers, then helped Jim into a more comfortable position, and quietly left the house. 

Jim didn’t wake till the depths of the night. His mother and brother had quietly prepared dinner, eaten, cleaned up, and went to bed. The blonde sat up, yawning and stretching, feeling his joints and spine crack into place. He let out a quiet sigh, getting up and getting his tablet before settling back onto the couch, wrapping a blanket around him. He pushed on his glasses, and began to study.

 

He got through probably closer to 150 questions by the time his mind needed a break, and Jim finally looked at the time; 3:23 AM. His mother would be getting up in an hour, and sleep was beginning to sound like a good idea once again, but Jim flicked through the screens until his found an app simply labelled ‘Logs’. Opening it, he found it was formatted much like a Personal log (when his tablet got adjusted for school, most of the software changed to Vulcan software, so almost everything was different). He glanced around, and shrugged a little before leaning back against the couch and pressing record. 

“My first day of being at that Vulcan school was today… It’s so much…  _ bigger _ in ShiKahr. And cleaner. And no one was in the streets, hungry… It’s different. I wouldn’t say it’s better, but it’s different. I haven’t made any friends yet, but that’s okay, I didn’t really expect to. Vulcans don’t seem like the friendly type, but Sarek doesn’t seem to mind me. The skill dome was too easy. I’ve studied up a lot, hopefully that will make it more interesting tomorrow. It’s difficult to stay standing for so long.” He sighed.

“But they give food to the students, for free, and it’s actually good,  _ and  _ I’m not allergic to it. It’s just enough to fill me up, and it makes me feel all warm. I haven’t had that in a long time. Hot food is rare - having enough of it to fill you up? Near impossible. But I don’t need to be full, I just need to be fed. I don’t get to control the portion sizes they give me, and I don’t want to make it seem like I’m not grateful. I am, I really am, I’m grateful for the food and the opportunity I’ve been given, but… I dunno. It seems like a lot.” Jim paused and scratched his nose.

“Bones and Ny stopped by with lunch today. They made ham and cheese sandwiches with some melon on the side and Bones’ amazing iced tea. It was really nice to come back to, and I might eat one of the many leftover sandwiches we have in the fridge before I go back to sleep. I wonder if my studying has adjusted the course at all. Maybe I’ll knock out a few more problems while I eat, then I’ll go back to sleep. If Momma knew I was awake right now, she’d have a cow… I’m gonna go eat now. Uh… Kirk out.”

Kirk stopped the recording, feeling… oddly lighter. Maybe he’d continue making personal logs. Setting down his tablet, he moved to the fridge and got himself a sandwich, then made his way back over to do a few more problems while he ate.

Winona Kirk later found her youngest son asleep with a half-eaten ham and cheese sandwich on his chest, and his tablet out of power on his lap. Chuckling, she put the sandwich away and plugged the tablet back into its charger, set an alarm for him to get up, and tucked him in with another blanket. She kissed his forehead and left for work.


	3. Chapter 3

The following few weeks were something of the same experience. Waking up, then showering, getting dressed, going to school and struggling for standing for so long, coming home, eating, falling asleep, and waking up early in the morning to study before school. No one really spoke to him there, which was becoming increasingly lonely. Jim did his best not to mind it, though he always had to remind himself that the Vulcans didn’t do friends. Vulcans were too goal oriented to busy themselves with the tedious task of building friendships. It was one of the only things he knew about Vulcans previous to coming to the Vulcan Learning center. However, the boy who was peering at him as he walked in the first time was someone he saw occasionally in passing - it seemed he was in a level above him. Whenever he felt eyes on him, they were normally his.

The boy was different, somehow. Only one girl sat with him at any given moment, and even then they didn’t interact like how Jim perceived friends. They knew each other, and sat a little closer than the other kids, and they would sometimes be in very deep conversations as they ate. They separated themselves from the rest of the Vulcan students, and no one seemed to question it that much. Jim wasn’t entirely sure why, as the Vulcans were normally quick to point out what was different, as was the case with himself. Even before they began to speak about him, their eyes would always travel to the warm, red-blooded being in the room. Jim never thought it was possible to be insecure about ears, but here he was. And he couldn’t even grow out his hair to cover them, because if he did, it would become too unruly, and then he would be worried that he looked more ragged than he was sure he already did.

And then things seemed to change.

It started with small things, like the whispering getting louder. He could just barely make out what they were saying. They called him _sbah-kre’nath_ \- Jim didn’t want to know what it meant, because they never said it in the presence of any adults. And so when Jim never reacted, they started speaking in English. It was simple, at first. Things he had been told before. That he was disgustingly skinny, that he was a freak, too reckless for his own good. So Jim didn’t react to that, either.

And then he met a boy named Solkar.

He had been coming back from lunch when he heard it from behind him.

“He’s dirty, uneducated, and can barely afford to survive.” And maybe it was because he didn’t get good sleep, or maybe it’s because everything was finally starting to get to him, but Jim reacted. The human turned around, trying to remain calm.

“If you insist on speaking in my language simply so I know that you’re talking about me, you obviously want me to hear, so say it, but have the courage to say it to my face, you coward. It doesn’t count when you don’t look me in the eyes.” The Vulcan was taller than him - they all were, except a hand-full of boys, and a few girls. If he could’ve he was sure Solkar would have smirked.

“You live in poverty.”

Jim put his hands on his waist. “Yep, and?”

“You can’t even afford the proper hair cleanser.”

“You’re right, I can’t.”

“Your species is a disgrace, and we’re all waiting for you to die off.”

“I’m sure. Anything else?”

“You couldn’t save yourselves if you tried.”

“That it?”

“For now.”

Jim smirked. “Great. Now it’s _my_ turn.” He stepped forward. “The Humans live in poverty, can barely afford hair wash, and are fighting to simply survive all because we suffered a major, cataclysmic natural disaster, and instead of being given the help we needed, the Vulcans insisted that we figure it out ourselves, on a planet we knew little to nothing about, and after we lost so much. This society, this rift between our species is due to faults on both sides. I don’t deny that my species is flawed; we’re even horrible, in some aspects. But to assume that your species is perfect, and can do no wrong, is not only a substantially incorrect assumption, but a _vastly illogical_ one as well.”

Solkar’s face turned sour as Jim poked holes in his logic, and when the human told him just how illogical he was, the taller boy lifted his fist and slammed it into the left side of Jim’s jaw.

_Crrrack!_

The disgusting sound resonated through the room, and Jim’s head snapped to the right. The feeling of his jaw dislocating was a tingling in his joints, then the pain caught up to him. The force of Solkar’s fist sent Jim falling, and the back of his head hitting the cold metal sharply. A migraine bloomed from the point of impact, and it seemed to spread through his whole body. Everything was fuzzy, and the ringing in his ears was loud, almost deafening. He watched through the haze as Solkar was held back by his friends, and an adult came and took Solkar away. But no one was coming to his side. No one was coming. His mother, his brother, they were far away. His father.

“Jim. _Jimmy.”_ The young blonde turned his head to the side, and the only clear thing he could make out was a tall, handsome man, who looked a helluva lot like him. _Dad._

“Don’t say anything. You’re right, they aren’t going to help you up. You have to do that yourself. Touching is weird for them, you know that. They can take care of you if you can get up. Your Momma can’t take another heartbreak, son.” _Up… Get up._

It felt as if every cell in his body screamed at him to sit back down as he leaned and moved onto all fours, breathing hard as he stood up on shaking legs. He couldn’t close his mouth, and he knew he was crying, but he couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed at the moment. All eyes were on him as he turned toward the adults that marched into the room. Just barely, he made out Sarek.

“Go to him. He may not be your friend, but he is smart enough to take care of you.”

Jim stumbled over, but it was hard to walk in a straight line when the room was spinning. He grasped onto Sarek’s sleeve when he fell once more, and shame and _sorry_ filled him to the brim, quickly letting go of him, but the Vulcan grabbed the collar of his robes and tugged him back onto his feet.

“That’s my boy,” his father hummed, and he walked beside Jim as they made their way into the health center. Jim laid back on the bed that they motioned him toward, and he was thankful that he didn’t have to move.

His father was sat beside him, smiling. “You did a good job, Jimmy. I’m proud of you.”

Jim could cry at those words, and he was vaguely aware that he still was, and he felt a sharp sting in his arm. He began to relax, his father was beginning to fade.

“Relax. Don’t fight it. It’s the only way they can help you right now… And Jimmy?”

_Yeah?_

“It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong, because everyone is wrong. It’s about finding something new.”

Suddenly gloved hands were on his jaw, and it was snapped back into place. Jim let out a silent cry of pain, gripping at the bed. Another pinch in his arm had him becoming drowsy, and just as his Father gave him one last smile, Jim’s vision went dark, and the blonde was asleep.

He woke up about an hour later, half-awake, and mouth dry. He saw a woman, and something about her was warm. Her brunette hair was braided in an updo, with a headscarf loosely wrapped around her head. He couldn’t see her ears, or much else about her except that she was much shorter than Sarek in comparison. And she was not at all intimidated by him.

“Winona gave me permission to take in Jim for the next few days. She won’t be able to take care of him if he has a seizure, and I told her that I would… Sarek, we must. It’s Win and George’s son. You know I wouldn’t ask you for anything if I didn’t have to. Just let us take him in for two nights, and two days.” She handed him a slip of paper, and after Sarek read it over, he gave a nod.

“Alright.”

Jim was lulled back to sleep, then, because he simply couldn’t keep his eyes open.

When Jim opened his eyes a second time, he was being carried, one arm under his knees, and one arm under his back. His head was resting on a hard shoulder, and he could smell a sweet spice.

“Dad…?” He murmured quietly. It still hurt to talk, his jaw was rather sore, but he felt the person who was holding him tense slightly.

“Go back to sleep, _nu’ri-komihn_.” Jim’s eyes drooped a little, and he nodded softly, easily slipping back into a deep sleep.

 

The third time Jim woke, it was to a cold washcloth on his chin. His eyes opened, and he turned to look at the woman, who gave a smile. He recognized her, now that he could see her clearly, from his mother’s wedding album. There was never a name to the fact, but it seemed he would get some answers now.

“Don’t speak,” the woman said softly. “Your jaw’s pretty tender right now. My name is Amanda, I’m your Mom’s friend. I got you those robes of yours.”

Jim went to thank her, but she lifted an eyebrow, and he closed his mouth.

“Now. It’s currently 5:53 PM, same day. I’ll set you up a bath, I’ve already got you some clothes you can wear for now. Your tablet is charging on the desk, and I’ll bring you up dinner in an hour or so. You’re currently in Ambassador Sarek’s home, and unfortunately we don’t have a guest bedroom, so you’ll be staying in here - this is Spock’s room.” Jim furrowed his eyebrows, and Amanda smiled. “Spock is Sarek’s youngest son.”

Jim’s eyes widened a little, and he began to get up, but she placed a hand on his chest. “Spock doesn’t sleep that much. No Vulcan really does. They meditate. You’ll sleep in this bed for two nights. Okay?” When Jim nodded to indicate his understanding, she continued. “Good. Now, I’ll go start that bath.”

She ruffled his hair and got up, walking to an extension of the room, and Jim could hear the water running. He’d never had a bath before - only showers. They could never afford the water bill, and then they moved, and they didn’t have a bathtub anymore. Jim glanced around the room. It was sparse, to say the least. At the end of the bed was a desk with his tablet set atop of it. Beside him was a bedside table with a glass of water. Jim sat up, taking it very carefully with both hands, and sipped it slowly. Behind him, there was a window, and he noticed that he was likely on the second story. There was a small stack of pillows in the corner of the room with some candles around them, and he realized that was probably where Spock meditated. Mounted on the wall was a Vulcan lyre. Nothing else, no pictures, no books, no awards, implied that someone lived in this room. It was an awfully big room for nothing to be there.

“Ready?” Amanda asked, peeking her head out. Jim got out of bed, holding onto the bedside table. The room spun a little, and he closed his eyes, and suddenly Amanda was at his side, helping him stand.

“From what I heard, you hit your head pretty hard. The Vulcan healers say that you’re gonna be alright. The wound is healed, just be careful not to fall like that again.”

Jim nodded, then moved into the bathroom with Amanda’s help. She helped him sit at the edge of the tub and placed his outfit on the counter. She instructed him to put his dirty laundry into the laundry chute, then left to give Jim some privacy. The door closed behind her, and Jim, very carefully, stripped down and slid into the water. It was warm, and to the right of him were two bottles - shampoo and conditioner. He took one with surprise; he’d only ever seen them, but never had the opportunity to use them. And this was the Vulcan stuff, too. He ran a finger down one bottle reverently. He reached forward to grab and gently detach the shower head, which immediately began to run with a gentle flow instead of the harsh one he normally got. He wet his hair with it and put it back, the water stopping. He couldn’t help but note the shaking in his hands, and he knew it was because he was afraid to break something. He didn’t know what he was allowed to use. Sometimes too many options were overwhelming.

But he took a breath, and squeezed a nickel-sized drop of the shampoo into his hand, and scrubbed it through his curls. It didn’t have an obvious smell, more subtle in nature than human shampoo. It gave an odd cooling sensation over his scalp, which continued as he washed it out and put the conditioner in to follow. After making sure that both bottles were where they were previously, he took a moment to close his eyes and relax. He recollected what he remembered about the day. The pain in his jaw fluttered over his nerves. He winced. He remembered seeing Amanda, and being carried by someone, probably a Vulcan. He remembered the phrase _nu’ri-komihn -_ and his eyes snapped open when he realized who it was and anxiety set his heart racing. It was Ambassador Sarek. Ambassador Sarek carried him to the car, and probably up to Spock’s room, and basically tucked him in.

He called Ambassador Sarek ‘Dad.’

He put his hand to his forehead, quietly whispering ‘fucking idiot’ to himself. But why was he thinking of his Dad?... The hallucination. His father, telling him to get up, to walk to Sarek, that everything was gonna be okay. What the _fuck_ was that? He could understand why he thought of his father; being in any pain always reminded him of George Sr., but him being there seemed so... real. He was exactly the way that Sammy used to describe him. Jim really only had one memory of his father, and he wasn’t entirely sure if it really happened. He just remembered laying against his father in a hospital bed, speaking quietly about reaching for the stars. It was the only thing that encouraged him to keep going when things got hard with his family. Maybe things were always hard with his family, he just never had to see it from the perspective of someone who was providing income.

“Jim? Are you alright?” It was Amanda.

“I’m okay,” he spoke. His voice felt weird. He wasn’t crying, but he had the lump in his throat. “Just have to rinse out my hair and I’ll be done… Thank you.”

“Don’t you worry about it, sweetheart.” He listened to her walk away, and Jim let out a long, shaking breath. He’d rarely ever stayed at someone else’s house. He always had some separation anxiety from his mother, even as a kid. He just had to get through these two days, and he would be alright. He got up and rinsed his hair, pulling the plug at the bottom of the bath and grabbing a towel from the cabinet. He dried off, putting his clothes and the towel into the laundry chute, then pulled on the outfit Amanda had left him. It seemed fairly simple; a black undershirt, what looked like a skinny cut pair of black polyester slacks that were surprisingly easy to move in, and a dark blue, silk-like cardigan with a pair of black socks. He felt out of place. He normally wore a t-shirt and boxers to bed. At school and around town he wore Sammy’s old denim jeans and white t-shirts and Bones’ old leather jacket and his beat-up Chucks. He wasn’t a silk-and-polyester kinda guy. But… here he was.

And he looked great, honestly, minus the big blue bruise on his jaw.

Jim took one more look around, just to make sure nothing was out of place before stepping out of the bathroom, where Amanda was speaking with Spock. Both turned to look at him, and Jim instantly recognized him. He was the one who was always looking at him, the only one who did so without an ounce of prejudice.

“Hello,” Jim said, suddenly very glad to be wearing a nice outfit.

“Hello, James,” Spock replied, and Jim felt his heart flutter, because his voice was so _smooth_ . Jim suffocated a blush. _What the fuck, Jim, you bisexual disaster, get your head out of your ass. No Vulcan would ever date a human, you have no chance._

“Thank you for letting me stay here, I’m very grateful,” he said, and he noticed that his lips didn’t move that much; his jaw hurt like hell. Spock tilted his head softly.

“Amanda has explained the situation. It is only logical you stay until we are sure you are healthy.” _Of course it was._

“Well,” Amanda spoke up. “You seem a lot better than earlier. How does dinner sound? The Ambassador is working late, Sybok is staying with a friend of his tonight to refine his information for an upcoming debate, and the Lady of the house is attending a meeting with some business partners, so it’s just us tonight.” By the tone of her voice, it seemed that this was not an isolated incident by any means. Spock followed Amanda out, and Jim trailed behind him. The house was big, open and cool as they stepped down the marble staircase. It seemed like a royal house, it had to be, because everything looked too fucking expensive. He wanted to go back to his couch and his stovetop mac and cheese. At least there he knew how fragile everything was.

The two young boys followed Amanda into the kitchen, and again Jim noted how clean everything was. He wanted to go back to sleep, so he wouldn’t have to see all this again. Amanda walked to a small machine in the wall, and Jim’s jaw would have dropped if he wasn’t afraid it would dislocate again.

“A protein resequencer?” He couldn’t help the astonishment in his tone. “Not even Chris Pike has one of these, and he’s the mayor-” His cheeks turned a faint pink as Amanda smiled. “...Sorry. My mom’s an engineer, and I’m really interested in machines.”

“Wanna try it out?” she asked. Jim’s eyes widened in excitement.

“Wait, really?”

Amanda gave a soft laugh. “Yes, really. C’mere.” Jim stepped forward. “Press this button-” She pointed to a button on the side of the panel. “And just say what you want.” Jim bit his lip, then reached forward and pressed the button.

“Mac and cheese.” He knew it wouldn’t be the same; maybe it would come with those fancy, weirdly textured breadcrumbs on top, or be stringy cheese rather than creamy cheese. Maybe he should have been more specific. But when the bowl, food, and fork appeared, he reached forward and took it out, terribly excited. The bowl was hot, but not horribly hot. There were no breadcrumbs, and it was definitely creamy, not stringy. He smiled widely.

“A man of good taste,” she hummed. “When Ambassador Sarek and Princess T’Rea hired me, making a list of my favorite foods and how to make them was part of the interviewing process. Mac & cheese was most definitely at the top of the list.”

“Thank you,” he said reverently, and sat down at the table. It wasn’t long before Amanda and Spock joined him. Spock held a bowl of what looked like a slightly more orange version of potato cheese soup, though he doubted that was it. Amanda had a garden salad and a glass of red wine. He had only had wine when he was at Nyota’s house, and red wine drunk is fast and painful. Jim hadn’t touched a glass since, but had major respect for those who could handle it. Though he wouldn’t let Amanda or Spock know that he’d had alcohol, or how he got it. James Tiberius Kirk was no snitch.

Dinner was mostly quiet. Jim answered some questions about how his family was doing, if he had friends in the Expanse, and how he was adjusting to the Vulcan schooling. He gave brief answers, not sure how much he could share without making it seem like he was overdramatic, or a charity case. Not to mention his jaw ached. A lot. He helped Amanda clean up while Spock stepped upstairs to perform his nightly routine. When Jim made his way back up to Spock’s room, he had intended to ask if Spock minded Jim sleeping in his bed, but when the door opened and he stepped in, the Vulcan boy was in sitting on the mound of pillows in deep meditation. Jim said nothing, just quietly grabbed his tablet and settled onto the bed, minding even the tapping of his fingers as he made sure the volume on his tablet was muted. He did some light studying, easily flowing through each problem as it was presented to him. From what he could tell, the skill dome gave him questions that he had studied on his tablet the night before, mixed with a few new ones, sort of like taking the curriculum online, and then taking the tests in class.

He stopped halfway through to write his personal log rather than record it, organizing his thoughts on the proceedings of the day. He barely noticed as time ticked by. Jim had a lot to say, and writing it down didn’t make it feel like he was any closer to understanding. He wanted to sleep, but was too awake from sleeping almost all day. He heard Sarek come home, have a short conversation with Amanda, and walk past the bedroom and down the hall. He could vaguely hear a door close. Shortly afterward, another person entered the house, and Jim deduced that it must have been T’Rea, Spock’s mom. There was no conversation when she made her way swiftly up the stairs and into the same room as Sarek, apparently not wanting to speak with Amanda at all. Jim couldn’t understand why; Amanda was such a kind, respectable woman. Perhaps that didn’t mean as much to the Vulcans. But that didn’t explain Sarek’s behavior. Jim didn’t know enough information to draw a conclusion from it.

Spock’s eyes opened, and Jim glanced up as Spock stood. The Vulcan boy furrowed his eyebrows.

“It is late, you should be resting. It will encourage your healing process,” he stated.

“I know. But I’ve already slept too much, and if I sleep now, my sleeping pattern will be irregular, and I won’t be able to return to school and perform well enough.”

“Logical,” Spock said after a moment, but was still looking at him oddly. “But you look tired. Is something bothering you?”

Jim looked away, biting the inside of his cheek.

“...Yes,” he admitted. “Many things.”

Spock took the cue to step forward and sit beside Jim, a motion that his caregiver Amanda did often when he was emotionally compromised. Jim shifted to make room for him, while keeping a notable amount of space between them. “I’ll give you some context. When I was three years old, my father died due to hereditary liver cancer. Ever since I learned about cancer in my schooling, I began to associate pain with my father. When I was punched, and hit my head on the ground, everything got… blurry. I couldn’t really hear anything. But I heard my name, and I looked over, and…” Jim worried on his lip a moment. “...I saw him. My father, I mean. He was clear, and so was his voice. He made me realize no one would help me up, that I had get up and walk over myself. He was with me until I got to the medical area and fell asleep. The rational part of me knows that it wasn’t real. Ghosts don’t exist, my father wasn’t actually there, it was just a hallucination from the concussion. It’s common. But it felt real, Spock. Hearing his voice, feeling him next to me, in the moment I truly believed that it was him.”

Jim pursed his lips as his sinuses began to sting, but his face didn’t get red, and his eyebrows didn’t tense together, and his nose didn’t scrunch. He barely reacted when the tears fell. “He told me that both sides are wrong. That the only way for us to become better is to find a new path. I’m just a 14 year old kid, Spock, I shouldn’t have to take on this responsibility. If I just… hadn’t been the only one to say yes, maybe it wouldn’t be this bad. Or maybe it would be worse. My own brother told me that I was representing the human race by going to school everyday. That’s absolutely terrifying.

“My people have mixed feelings; the majority of them are bad. On the first day back from school, everyone was staring at me, whispering. One guy tried to fight me, but while I’m not very strong compared to Vulcans, I’m more than capable of protecting myself against humans. I’m hated by my own species. There are so little of us left, though; we can’t afford to hate each other, not if we want to be taken seriously. I know that we both have our opinions about this, but for me, this is less about the integration, and more about the correction of attitude from both sides. My people overestimate how well they can perform in this. They think that nothing is wrong, that it’s all your fault, but that’s just not true. There can’t be an argument without two sides. And the fact is, three generations ago, we gave up. We stopped trying. And now it’s backfiring, and we’re pissed? Is that who we are? We’re on the verge of either the Golden Age or the genocide of a species. I’m hoping that my people can view our imperfections with humility, but knowing my people… that’s unlikely. That being said, Vulcans aren’t without fault, either. They took an emotional species suffering not only the losses of their families, but the loss of the only planet we have known since the evolution of our species as we know it. Then they put us on a planet we know little to nothing about, gave us only enough resources to build shelters, not enough to leave, and now we’re angry, and they’re what, shocked and disappointed?” Jim gave a heavy sigh. His headache was back.

“This goes through my head everyday, Spock. The way I behave in ShiKahr defines the future of my species. I have so much to say, with no one to listen. How am I supposed to make this change? How do I fight when I don’t even have my own people’s support? Does it even matter? Is my fate, and my people’s fate, already sealed? Will this ever amount to anything substantial? Am I just playing this up in my head? Am I actually that important?”

The questions hung in the air like a pungent stench. Jim was finally tired. Closing his eyes, he let his head fall and gently rest on Spock’s shoulder. The Vulcan made no move to push him off.

“M’sorry. It’s just… been a lot.” They were quiet for a long moment.

“You are incredibly wise, James,” Spock finally spoke. “It takes great confidence to admit not only your own faults, but the faults of your people. And it takes great bravery to be able to point out the logical flaws in another. You are not wrong in believing that your actions do hold great importance. But from what I have learned from my caregiver, humans hold an amount of compassion that no species we have encountered can begin to compare to. I apologize if I find it difficult to believe that other Humans would not support you if you asked them to. I apologize that you feel such a great deal of pressure, for the death of your father, and for the situation my species helped create. As for your hallucination…” 

Spock seemed to pick his next words carefully. 

“It is my belief that, in most cases, people see what they wish to see. You sought to visualize something that would ease your pain, and you saw your father, because perhaps in spite of it all, he still brings you a sense of security. Or perhaps he was the representation of your motivation and will to survive. Either way, you saw him because you wanted to. He said what you needed to hear because you wanted to hear it. That is not a symptom of an overactive imagination, or unnecessary emotion; rather, it appears to be a symptom of humanity.” 

Jim leaned up and looked to Spock, who found his gaze, and Jim was surprised to note the sincerity he found in his eyes, now that he could see it more closely.

“Thank you, Spock,” he said softly. The Vulcan’s words brought a lot of clarity to his situation. Jim himself was not important, his actions were. He did represent quite a lot, but he was far from alone. In fact, it seemed he wasn’t alone even when among Vulcans, because Spock was uncommonly kind. The Vulcan gave a soft nod, and Jim looked back to his tablet when the taller of the two noticed its display. It was a fairly simple math equation, and Jim huffed softly. 

“I promise this isn’t what I do all day. I’m used to actually difficult math problems, and this just isn’t challenging at all.”

“It seems they have made a false assumption about human schooling,” Spock replied. He smoothly got up, grabbed his own learning tablet, and made his way over to Jim as he signed in. When he sat back down beside the blonde, Spock opened his own studying course, changed the language to English, and handed it to Jim. 

“Try this instead,” he said, and Jim, very carefully, took the tablet and glanced over it. It was a standard deviation problem, one that he had previously had to write out to do just to show work, but it was something he had only recently managed to do in his head, thanks to Nyota stopping by to teach him what she’d learned in Statistics. He glanced over the data set for a few moments, and after finally getting through it all, he pressed on the text box and wrote in  **_13.264_ ** and submitted his answer. It was correct. 

“You are fast by human standards,” Spock noted, taking the tablet back. “But you wouldn’t have passed if you were in the skill dome. It is logical that I should tutor you to increase your speed.” 

It wasn’t much of a request, but Jim wasn’t about to correct him and possibly ruin his chance at not only getting better in school, but learning more about the boy beside him. 

“I look forward to it,” Jim said, and surprised himself with how smooth his voice was.

Spock seemed satisfied with this response, handing Jim his tablet, where another standard deviation equation came up, and began to give him small tips about how to more quickly calculate the mean and square decimals. Jim was already showing signs of improvement by the time the sun was beginning to rise. The two were still lying in bed, the majority of their bodies not touching other than slight brushes of their arms and Jim laying his head against Spock’s shoulder as day drew nearer, and he got progressively more tired. 

“And from here, you can add the- James?” Spock looked down when he realized that Jim’s breath had evened out, and his head didn’t pick up from his shoulder. Jim was fast asleep against him. Looking at the human more closely made Spock remember what he first noticed about him - the blonde curls. Everyone he knew, besides his caregiver (who was brunette), had dark, straight black hair, as it was with his species. But Jim had light hair, the color of the twin suns. His skin was golden, and he had one scar at the base of his neck that would sometimes poke out the back of his robes. His lashes were long, too, and he seemed to always be incredibly warm. As a cold-blooded creature, Spock found the warmth to be a natural attractor of his attention, as the heat never seemed to leave. Jim’s eyebrows were relaxed, and the thick-rimmed glasses framed his face well. He stared at the human only a few moments longer, making quiet observations about the spots of darker pigment over her nose and cheeks, and how much more relaxed Jim was when he was sleeping. Spock then slipped out from beside him, and after being sure his shields were up and strong, adjusted the human to be laying on his back. He took the tablets and set them on the desk, then very carefully removed Jim’s glasses and set them on the bedside table before walking downstairs to eat an early breakfast with Amanda.


	4. Chapter 4

Amanda was sipping a mug of what she called ‘coffee,’ and Spock noted the blueberry scone that was half-eaten on a plate beside her. She was flicking through an article on her tablet when Spock walked in, and she glanced up, eyebrow raised.

“Good morning,” she nodded. 

“Good morning,” Spock returned, making his way to the protein resequencer and getting himself a bowl of Ulan soup with a glass of water.

“I’m surprised you’re awake,” Amanda said as Spock sat beside her. The young Vulcan lifted an eyebrow at her. “You two were up all night talking. I’m guessing he finally passed out?” Spock, slightly embarrassed he’d been caught, adjusted his collar.

“...Yes.”

“What do you think of him?”

“...He is a smart human, capable of understanding complicated math concepts, with the proper tutoring.”

“High praise,” she mused. “That good of a conversation?”

“We found it logical that the tutoring began as soon as possible,” Spock mumbled, a faint green dusting over the tips of his ears. “He is showing signs of improvement.” 

Only one person knew of his illogical, seemingly instant attraction to the Human, and that was his betrothed and close advisor, T’Pring. When the two were betrothed, it didn’t take long for them to realize they simply did not find each other attractive, and agreed that T’Pring would challenge the marriage when their time came, should nothing between them change. T’Pring had previously secretly courted Stonn, but more recently her attention shifted to those of her own gender, much like Spock, though he found he was attracted to both. It was an uncomfortable conversation to have with T’Pring; he was simply grateful that she understood and related to what he was saying.

“Logical indeed,” the older woman hummed, eyebrow raised. “Either that, or you liked talking to him.”

“Amanda, please,” Spock said, cheeks turning an olive hue.

“Alright, alright,” she chuckled, adjusting her glasses as she sipped her coffee. “...How long have you like him?”

_ “Amanda.” _

“Well?” 

Spock would be scowling, if he were human. He stared into his soup, stirring it a little. 

“Yesterday, when he was debating with Solkar, before he got hurt, he… he had so much passion, I could tell he meant what he said. Not to mention that his logic was sound. And last night he confided in me about his hardships. He is… fascinating. Previous to his and Solkar’s encounter, I admit, I was interested by him. He is another human. You always spoke of how the humans value individuality. I wanted to know how he would differ from you.”

“And?”

“Not nearly as stubborn.” 

Amanda let out a soft laugh, smiling at the young boy, who was fighting his own grin. Her laugh was contagious.

“I see. Well, my stubbornness is hard to match.”

“Indeed,” Spock murmured.

Tiredly, Jim walked into the room, his hair mussed, and eyes half-open. It was apparent he had just woken up, his glasses were just barely crooked.

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Amanda cooed, standing up to get Jim breakfast.  “How do you feel?” 

“Like my jaw got dislocated and slammed back into place,” Jim replied, taking a seat beside Spock. Amanda gave a soft snort from the kitchen. Truth be told, Jim had awoken shortly after the Vulcan left because the warmth was gone. 

“Is that not what happened?” Spock asked. “I was under the impression that when given a phrase such as that, it is traditional to over-dramatize.”

Jim gave him a tired grin. “Yeah, it is. But sometimes, the comedic effect can be found in things we don’t always expect, or we tell the truth when we are supposed to lie for our words to have more meaning. It’s weird, and complicated. I promise to keep my phrases accurate to what I mean around you.” 

Amanda set down a plate of pancakes with a side of what looked like vegan sausage, some grapes, and a mug of black coffee. Jim’s cheeks turned red, looking up at her. “Amanda, thank you very much, but… it’s alright, I don’t need a big breakfast like this.” 

“What do you mean? You’re a growing boy, and you’re so skinny Spock could lift you over his head. You need the nutrients,” Amanda protested softly. Jim rubbed the back of his neck. Truth be told, eating a large meal made Jim feel selfish when he couldn’t see there was still plenty for everyone else. Spock seemed to notice Jim’s sudden shyness, and it didn’t settle well.

“James, you need not worry about how much food we have left,” Spock murmured to him as Amanda stepped away to clear up her own dishes. “Protein resequencers lack a restriction on how much food we can ask for.” He didn’t know much about the Expanse since he’d only been there once before. But from they way Jim acted about food when it was presented to him, combined with the lack of fat around his midsection and thighs, it was easy to assume that Jim simply didn’t allow himself to eat as much as he should.

“But… will everyone else eat, too?” Jim asked. He couldn’t help himself. He didn’t like eating without watching and making sure everyone else was fed first. It was easy most of the time, because he was the one who cooked dinners. Or at least he used to, before he accepted Sarek’s invitation to attend the Vulcan Learning Center. 

“I’m sure they will. But you are injured, and you need the nutrients to help your healing process, so eat.” Spock observed as Jim cut himself a triangle of the pancake and ate it, satisfied with the results before continuing to eat his own breakfast. A comfortable silence filled the air before Amanda stepped back in at the same moment Sarek approached from the staircase. Jim’s cheeks turned a bright red as he looked away, vivid memories of being carried by the older man becoming all too apparent. Speaking to Spock had made him forget about the whole ordeal. 

“I trust you slept well,  _ nu’ri-komhin?”  _ Sarek asked, moving past Amanda, who averted her gaze.

“Yes, Sir. Thank you for letting me stay here,” he mumbled. Jim suddenly wished more than anything that he’d combed his hair before coming downstairs, but when he had stepped in the bathroom shortly before coming down, he couldn’t find an unused comb. He could only imagine what T’Rea was going to say when she first saw him. Princess T’Rea was someone the Humans only knew of, never about. She had never ventured to the Expanse, and it was for that reason many humans made their opinions of her rather undeservingly rude. Still, it was known that T’Rea wasn’t one to hold her tongue, and had no problem telling anyone precisely what she thought and why. Jim didn’t want to face her alone, especially not when he looked battered. 

Of course, it was at that precise moment that the woman walked down the staircase, and Amanda was setting down a bowl of Plomeek soup. T’Rea was tall, and at first glance, looked very calm and gentle. However, anyone who looked at her longer could see the judgement in her eyes, and she had a cold edge about her that could suck the heat out of someone. Her eyes, dark and ominous, settled over Jim, and the Human held her gaze, almost afraid to look away. T’Rea was a tall woman, she had an elegance about her, and if her reputation of debate and peace-keeping was true, she was also incredibly brilliant. Not to mention how beautiful she was. 

“You are James Kirk, yes?” T’Rea said, sitting across from him, where Amanda had placed the bowl of soup. 

“Yes, miss,” Jim replied, forcing himself to give off confidence. Her piercing gaze made him wonder if he was even close to succeeding.

“I have spoken with Solkar’s parents. He is suspended for the rest of the week. I would like to formally apologize for this display of unnecessary violence.” 

Her words caught Jim off-guard, but he tried to keep it off his face. Vulcans weren’t the type to apologize. He understood why Spock would apologize; Amanda was his caretaker, after all, but not T’Rea. Perhaps she was just trying to align to human customs. 

“I accept your apology.” Jim gently pushed up his glasses, and he watched her brown eyes fixate on the bruise.

“The Healers will come by today to further ease your pain. What is the state of your jaw?”

“It hurts to move it too much,” he admitted softly. 

“Yes, the medicine they gave you in the healing center would likely be wearing off now. I will mention it to them when they arrive. In the meantime, do not move your jaw much. You will soon find the pain to be more excruciating, unfortunately.” 

Jim nodded, wanting to abide by her terms, but franky, he was sure he could handle it. He’d been something of a daredevil as a child, leaping off of things he shouldn’t have, not to mention all the times he found out how he was allergic to all those things. He even had a scar at the base of the back of his neck from when he had fractured the top of his spine after jumping off the west wall and landing on his back. The wind had been knocked out of him, he still remembered it with distaste. He was damn lucky he hadn’t injured his spinal cord. Needless to say, he learnt his lesson as they are still paying off that medical bill, even with the hospital’s financial aid. Jim wasn’t proud of his idiotic stunts (and neither was Leonard), but he couldn’t be mad at the reputation it gave him. Not many people bothered him because of how far he’d gone as a kid just to have fun─imagine the kind of damage he could do if he really did want to hurt someone. But Jim wasn’t always proud of that. He didn’t like being known as the person who could potentially kick people’s asses. That wasn’t how he was known in ShiKahr, and it wasn’t the person his family knew him to be. 

Amanda collected Jim’s dishes and Jim sat in silence as Sarek explained that he would likely not be home until late. T’Rea also made her excuses and left the table. Spock, Jim knew, had school, so the majority of his day would be spent with Amanda in this large house. The vastness of it still intimidated him; the anxiety of not knowing where he was and if it was safe was still very apparent in his gut. No wonder the Vulcans believed that intuition was illogical; there was no real reason to believe that anyone or anything in this house would want to hurt him. 

Amanda ushered Jim upstairs shortly after breakfast. She seemed a little distant. There was an odd look about her. She was always so energetic and happy; or, at least, she was with him and Spock. It seemed different with Sarek and Lady T’Rea. Amanda sat him on the bed and got a comb from the bathroom. When she started to comb through his hair, she was careful of the tangles. 

“You could do with a haircut, kid. Human hair always does grow faster than Vulcans’. And finer.” 

“Amanda?” Jim asked softly.

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?” 

Amanda laughed, but it sounded brittle. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you always get quiet when Sarek and T’Rea are around.” 

Amanda’s movements paused. 

“The way I am with you and the way I have to be with Ambassador Sarek and Princess T’Rea is different,” she admitted. “But it’s just because I have to keep a certain amount of professionalism. There isn’t any bad blood, I promise.” 

Somehow, Jim didn’t believe that, but if she didn’t want to talk about it, he couldn’t make her.

“Okay.”

 

Jim spoke with Spock as he got ready for school. Sarek and T’Rea both left immediately after breakfast, he supposed, because he couldn’t hear them downstairs. 

“You may keep my tablet, for now,” Spock said. “It is prudent that you continue your own study skills, but also refine what we discussed last night.” 

Jim nodded. 

“When do you think you’ll be back?” he asked. He didn’t like being alone, even if Amanda was here. 

“In six-point-three-eight hours.” 

It sounded like a long time, and Jim knew that it would feel like longer. Spock seemed to notice this discomfort, because he stepped closer as he spoke once more. 

“James, you are welcome in our home. My father would not have let you stay if you weren’t, even if Amanda wished you to stay, which she does. As do I.”  Spock cleared his throat and added stiffly, “For the sake of your health.” 

Jim stifled a faint blush.  _ Vulcans don’t date humans,  _ he reminded himself.

“Thank you, Spock. I really appreciate that.” 

Spock put his hands behind his back. “It is only logical. Should you need anything, do not hesitate to ask Amanda.” 

Jim nodded, and with a final goodbye, Spock left to find her, as she was taking him to school. Jim heard them leave, and the sound of silence rung in his ears. He wasn’t sure how long she would be gone, but curiosity was already biting at his nerves. He slipped out of bed and made his way out into the corridor, then down the stairs. He knew the kitchen and dining room already; the glass windows and doors showed a flourishing Vulcan garden outside. One of the doors, however, was wide open. There was a smudge on the glass, he noticed. A dreadful feeling filled him when he heard a noise come from just out of sight. He prayed to whatever higher power was listening that it wasn’t something that would kill him, or worse _ —break something. _

He turned to his right, trembling fingers tightened into fists. He saw, curled up on a blanket, a large, bear-like creature with thicker hair and tusks (one notably broken). It stared at him curiously. Jim didn't detect any hostility from the creature. Still, when he spoke, his voice sounded high and reedy.

“Uh… hey?” he said, and the creature grunted a little. Jim moved back a little, and the creature began to move forward. His heart leaped out of his chest and he froze. The creature slugged over to him, curiously sniffing up his leg. It came up to Jim's navel, and the longer it didn't attack, the more he began to laugh, because its nose tickled against his sides. 

“Hey-!” he chuckled, placing a hand on the creature's head. It sniffed his hand and licked it, and Jim gave a happy laugh. 

“Okay, you're not gonna hurt me. Sorry, buddy.” He pet the animal, whose eyes slowly closed. It reminded him of a dog. “What’s your name?” he asked, knowing full well the animal wouldn’t be able to answer him. But it trotted over toward a doorway not too far from the living room. Jim followed after it and opened the door at the animal’s request. It was a bedroom. Jim very quickly understood it to be Amanda’s room. It had to be, with all the human memorabilia. A moving picture on the wall caught his eye first. Jim watched them, and saw a rather detailed image of the animal and Vulcan symbols. Jim was thankful he knew a bit of Vulcan, and he made out the name: I-Chaya.

“I-Chaya,” he whispered. “That’s a girl name, hm?” 

The heavy, furry beast made a sound like a coo, and Jim smiled. “Well, I-Chaya, can you give me a tour of this place?” 

She turned and walked out. Jim followed, the door closing behind him. He let her lead him down the hall, where a door opened for them. Inside was a laboratory, and Jim suddenly had a dreadful feeling settle in his stomach. “We shouldn’t be in here. I don’t want to break anything.” 

I-Chaya gave a stubborn, unceremonious grunt, walking around much like she owned the place. Considering her size and the sharpness of her teeth, it definitely felt like she did.

There was a tall counter, one that came up to Jim’s navel but likely came up to Sarek’s waist. There were several different types of test tubes and a PADD that was entirely in Vulcan. It made sense; Sarek wasn’t one to leave skills unrefined. Jim’s gaze caught on a smaller desk in the corner next to the window. It had to be for Spock. I-Chaya seemed drawn to it, too, as she snuffled a bit before laying down next to it. 

“You have a favorite,” Jim deduced, chuckling softly. The animal gave a soft grunt of acknowledgement before the human understood that I-Chaya likely wouldn’t be leaving that spot any time soon. He stepped out of the laboratory, looking around. He saw smaller rooms, which were likely closets or laundry rooms, so Jim didn’t peek. He made his way up the stairs, I-Chaya deciding to join him as she trotted beside him. He already knew that Spock’s room was the first door on the right, so he moved past it. He could only assume that one room belonged to the Princess and Sarek, so he decided that if he came across that room, that he wouldn’t step in. He pressed open the first door and saw that it had a glass ceiling and a few PADDs on podiums. It must have been an observatory - it would be  _ beautiful  _ at night. The chairs in the room reclined, and he noted a small stack of thick blankets in the corner. He smiled at the thought of a young Spock curling up to watch the stars until he fell asleep. He made his way out after a moment, even if I-Chaya seemed to dislike the notion of moving from one of her favorite lay spots. 

Next was a bathroom, and as Jim didn’t find that especially interesting, he didn’t go in. He then found Sarek and T’Rea’s bedroom, so he didn’t step in, but just as the door closed, he registered two different beds. Maybe Vulcans didn’t share beds. Shrugging, he let it go and made his way to the final door. 

The first thing that met his eye was a cool, toned, granite-like tile on the floor. The walls were charcoal grey, with two pillars on the left and right of the room. Jim couldn’t tell if it was for structure or for aesthetic. There was a familiar cushion-and-candle set up in the corner of the room that Jim recognized as a meditation corner, so he didn’t disturb it. The furthermost wall was a single pane glass, overlooking the garden in the back, and the sand dunes and mountains further out. It really was quite breathtaking.

In front of the glass was a black desk with a lamp on the right corner of it. There was a plant on the other, which seemed to be in mid-bloom. Jim was never good in botany; he couldn’t tell what kind it was. On the center of the desk lay a PADD, and Jim couldn’t help but be curious. This room was distinctly Sarek, he could feel it, so he knew whatever was on that piece of tech had to be important. He looked to the door, and sure enough, the only other being in the room was I-Chaya. He hadn’t heard Amanda come home yet. He took a breath and stepped forward, pressing on the screen. There was a PIN lock.

“Damn,” Jim murmured. He supposed it wasn’t meant to be. Turning, he noticed something on the wall. A plaque. As he made his way over to it, he recognized Spock’s name, but not much else, as it was all in Vulcan. However,  he did see a series of numbers. Probably a birth date. To the left of the plaque was another, Sybok’s birth certificate, which also had a set of numbers. It was enough to fit the PIN. He read them over a few times to make she he had the number right before quietly speeding back over to the PADD and typing them in, chronological order. 

It opened up for him.

This PADD was much different than the ones he used in school. It had a messaging application, from what he could tell, as it opened right to it. It was all in Vulcan, and he desperately wished he knew more of it, but he could make out the basics… He saw  _ nu’ri-komihn,  _ a phrase used by Sarek when addressing him. He saw small things, like ‘performance’ and ‘exceptional’ and ‘over-emotional’. That last one, he knew was a given. But from what he could tell of Sarek’s messages, Sarek was surprised by him. That made the anxiety of being here much,  _ much  _ easier to deal with. 

But scrolling up, he saw a word that made his mind stop in its tracks. ‘Aberrancy’. And, shortly after, ‘intolerable.’ It was from the person Sarek was speaking with. Jim chewed on his lip, but didn’t allow himself to make and more conclusions or continue to read, because I-Chaya was nudging at his hip, and he swore he heard Amanda outside. He scrolled back to where he left off, turned off the PADD, and rushed back to Spock’s room, where I-Chaya curled up beside the bed on the floor, and Jim was making himself comfortable with his tablet just as Amanda walked in to check on him. The brunette smiled at him.

“Hey, kid. How’re you feeling?” she asked, and Jim adjusted his glasses and forced a smile. He hoped she wouldn’t see through him.

“I’m feeling okay. My jaw still hurts, though.”

“Alright, well, I don’t want to make it worse, so I’ll let you be. But you just let me know if you need anything, alright?” Amanda smiled.

Jim nodded, but the smile he returned fell as soon as those doors closed.  _ Aberrancy? Intolerable? What the hell is going on with the council? Are they going to kick me out? Will I ever see Spock again?  _ He was probably overthinking again, but his heart was racing as fast as his mind, and he really wanted Spock to logic him out of this feeling. But he couldn't just  _ tell _ Spock that he had seen potentially confidential information and prove to him that humans are nosey and will violate Vulcans’ privacy. What would Spock think? Or would Spock get offended that Jim would consider that he would make assumptions? 

_ Chill the fuck out. Vulcans don't feel. They don't make assumptions.  _

Jim took a breath. 

_ But Spock… he's different. _

Jim wanted to scream. Or cry. Or both. He needed to learn more, to know what they thought about him, but how exceedingly  _ shallow  _ was that? Sometimes Jim really wished he could be Vulcan. It would make things a lot easier. He wouldn’t be responsible for making this integration happen, he wouldn’t have been decked by Solkar, and he wouldn’t be under the scrutiny of the Vulcan council all the time. But he couldn’t change that. Jim laid down, burying his head under the sheets, drawing his knees up as a tightening feeling squeezed at his stomach.

The sheets smelled like Spock.

 

Amanda gently shook Jim awake, and he looked up at her with half-lidded eyes. He felt disoriented and didn’t want to talk. His jaw was throbbing with pain and he would have held onto her if it weren’t for the Vulcan healers in the corner of the room. Wordlessly, he sat up, and let them come near. He noticed the gloves on their hands, but was genuinely too tired to care about much else. He felt a pin prick on his arm and two hands at the joints of his jaw. It hurt for a moment, but as the new painkiller began to kick in, the pain melted away.

“His jaw is healing sufficiently,” the man said, pulling his hands back. Jim felt a hand on the back of his head, pushing his hair out of the way, and a weird tingling sensation. “His head wound is also healing quickly. He will be at an acceptable health to return to the skill domes tomorrow, but he requires more rest.”

Amanda and the healers spoke for a few minutes before Jim climbed back under the covers. He didn’t want to think about his findings that day. He let the Vulcan spice press him back into sleep.

 

The next time Jim woke, Spock was walking back into the room. Jim hummed softly, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. 

“Hey,” Jim muttered, memories coming back like a flood, the aching feeling bubbling in his stomach again. He was glad to see that I-Chaya still lay on the floor beside him. 

“Hello, James. Did you rest well?” Spock asked. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “How was school?”

“Productive.” Spock took his PADD from the desk, glancing up and looking at Jim oddly. “Are you alright? You do not seem yourself.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “...Spock, I have to admit something, because it… it’s just going to eat away at me.”

“What is wrong?” Spock sat beside him.

“After you and Amanda left, I let my curiosity get the better of me, and I explored the house a bit. I didn’t break anything, and I didn’t intrude in anyone’s private space, but it’s how I met I-Chaya, and she showed me around, um…” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I found Sarek’s study. I saw his PADD, and I - I found messages. About me. Something about “Aberrancy” and “Intolerance,” but I can’t read Vulcan that well. I’m so sorry, Spock. I’ll tell Sarek what I did.” Spock tilted his head and frowned gently.

“I do not see why you feel badly. It is logical to want to know more about where you are. As for my father’s conversation with the council about you, it is your business, and I do not see why you should not get to see it. Not to mention that politics must be transparent to be effective, so even if it was not about you, you still would have the right to see it.”

A weight lifted off of Jim’s shoulders at Spock’s words. He sighed. Spock lifted a brow.

“That being said, I do not believe you should do it again.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Jim ran his fingers through his hair again, brushing curls out of his face. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For listening. For giving me the logic I need to calm myself.” 

Spock lifted the other eyebrow. “It is only logical that I help you, James.” 

Jim looked to the taller Vulcan with a faint red on his cheeks, and began to speak when I-Chaya decided to suddenly stand up and bump heads with Jim. Jim hissed in pain as the animal missed and hit his jaw, turning away and desperately holding the bone in place. It seemed that he painkiller the healers administered earlier was less intense, because he could  _ definitely  _ feel the wave of tingling, electric-hot pain that attacked his nerves. 

“Sp…” It was all he could get out - opening his mouth hurt much more. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, and he heard Spock scolding I-Chaya and sending her out of the room. The animal made her way out before Spock was at Jim’s side again, gently taking hold of his wrists and turning the human toward him. 

“H… Hurts…” he moaned. Jim kept the pressure applied to his cheeks, and Spock was beginning to get worried that Jim may have dislocated his jaw a second time. Considering he could keep his mouth completely closed, Spock quickly ruled it out. But he couldn’t know for sure until the pain was dealt with. They didn’t have any pain relievers in the house, and the Vulcan Healers would take to long.

_ Well, there was always... _

“James, I - I can assist you, but I will need your explicit consent,” Spock said, softly. “This is not an action normally taken lightly, nor is one supposed to do this for medical practices, but I want to relieve your pain as fast as possible.” 

Jim nodded, tears still leaking from his eyes. “I trust you,” he mumbled, still holding his face.

Spock nodded softly. 

“Alright. Try to stay calm, and relax your mind.” Spock lowered Jim’s hands, and pressed his thumbs to Jim’s chin, his index fingers to his cheekbones, and his middle fingers to his temples. “...My mind to your mind...My thoughts to your-”

_ -thoughts. _

**_Spock? What’s happening?_ **

_ Relax. _

Soon, the pain subsided in his jaw, and Jim let out a soft breath of relief. He couldn't explain what was happening in his brain, but he felt a hint of surprise. The Vulcan lingered in his mind only a moment, but Jim knew he wasn't searching, just experiencing. The Human didn't mind; having Spock there was surprisingly comfortable. Slowly he withdrew, looking a little dazed. 

“Are you okay?” Jim asked, suddenly concerned that he had taken on the pain himself. 

“Yes,” Spock murmured. “I am… okay.” 

Jim lifted an eyebrow. “...Okay. Great.” 

Spock’s eyes were fixed on Jim like he was a science experiment he was deeply interested in, and Jim wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. As soon as Jim realized this, Spock seemed to realize it too, and the Vulcan was soon as focused as ever. 

“I assume you haven’t had the chance to study,” he said brusquely, standing from the bed.

Jim blinked but nodded, and Spock reached for his tablet. Jim couldn’t help but wonder why Spock reacted in such a way; if a mind meld was such a delicate Vulcan thing, certainly Spock wouldn’t have done it. 

Or maybe Vulcans were just  _ much  _ more complex than he thought.

 


	5. Chapter 5

The night seemed to go by too fast. Jim and Spock stayed up once again (though they stopped earlier, so Jim could get sleep before school), and Jim got much further in his studies. He was looking forward to how his skill dome would adapt the next school day.

What he wasn’t looking forward to was the uncertainty that came with going to a Vulcan school. Would the other students stare? Would they not care at all? Would Solkar be there? Would he still be angry if he was? What was the council going to do if he hit Jim again? Would Sarek and T'Rea permit him to stay with them again? Would Spock think he was weak? Since when did Jim care what any of the Vulcans, other than the council, thought?  _ Now, apparently.  _

Jim settled back into the seat of the cruiser that Amanda drove to school. Spock was to his right, swiping through various subjects on his PADD. Jim didn’t make it a habit of staring at screens for very long; he knew his eyes would only get worse, and they couldn’t afford a new prescription. But the reminder that he would be able to see his family today was a good one, and the blonde knew that if he could just get to the end of the day, he could be with his family again.

He briefly wondered if sleeping on the couch after sleeping in a bed the past two nights would lead to bad sleep, but he didn’t allow himself to entertain that thought for long. The Kirks had enough to get by, and that’s all they needed. Jim had certainly not grown too accustomed to the luxurious life after two days. It wouldn’t be worth it if it meant leaving his family behind, anyway. Not to mention that some people didn’t even get a couch - furniture was  _ expensive _ . Their couch was a hand-me-down from Jim’s godfather, Christopher Pike, the Mayor of the Human Expanse, their beds from the old house. 

No, Jim decided, he would never get accustomed to living the “comfortable” life. It was too easy that way. 

The school came into view. Jim’s anxiety spiked. Amanda slowed to a stop before the intimidating building, and both the Vulcan and the Human stepped out. No one seemed to even bat an eye. Jim was relieved; he thought if any of the students made a fuss, it would have been one hell of a deal. In fact, it  reminded him of what it was like before the attack, when no one talked to him. But this time, he had Spock at his side.

… 

Right?

Spock had drifted off toward a girl who had taken a seat at one of the outside tables. She flicked her finger across the screen of her tablet. Jim recognized her: she was the girl Spock always sat with. Jim got the message: in public, they didn’t know each other. And while his heart stung, he dared not let it show or call Spock out on it. If that was the way it had to be, then… he supposed he would have to accept it. Jim had bigger fish to fry, anyway; just then, he saw Sarek approach him with Solkar was at his side. The human’s heart jumped up to his throat.  _ Oh, god. _

 

Spock hurried over to T’Pring as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself. This new discovery about the human was one that had to be shared, but he could not safely confide in anyone but her. Not to show emphasis toward an emotive meaning, but it had felt like torture to not be able to exclaim this new information. It changed  _ everything _ . 

“T’Pring,” he called her name quietly but firmly to get her attention as he sat at her left. “I have made a discovery about Humans.”

“I am sure. However, I do hope it is more interesting than that their hygienic products carry a potent smell,” she replied calmly. If he were human, he would have rolled his eyes, much like how he had seen Amanda do behind Sarek’s back when he spoke. Spock found it amusing, though he dared not comment on it. 

“They are capable of bonding,” he whispered excitedly. “T’Pring, our minds have touched. You and I know our bond is nothing more than normal. But when my mind brushed his… it was different.” His voice was so low that it took careful listening for the girl to pick up on it. 

“You melded with him? With Jim?” Her tone was shocked, though it was undetectable to all but Spock.

“Out of necessity,” he admitted, looking a little abashed. “I likely could have gone to Amanda; however, I knew that we did not have pain medication strong enough within the house, and the Healers would not rush to see him in time. After I made sure his jaw was not dislocated once again, I… assisted with his pain. It went away instantly. T’Pau and the other Elders told me I was stunted in my telepathic abilities, and yet it did not take much for me to enter James’ mind and take away the pain. Something is different about him.”

“If you are genuinely interested in discovering why you have come to this conclusion, then perhaps you might ask T’Pau about bonding. Though I am sure she would have some questions to combat your own,” T’Pring said, raising an eyebrow.

“Indeed. T’Pau always is… ruthless in her application of logic.”

“Speaking of logic,” T’Pring said, glancing up from her PADD to look at her companion, “do you believe it was a logical decision to leave James by himself?” 

By the time Spock realized his mistake it was too late. Upon looking up, he saw James, Solkar, and his father in a deep conversation.

And Jim looked as if he were getting ready to run all the way back to the Human Expanse and never return.

 

“It is logical to establish rapport between you two, as it has become apparent that you cannot get along without supervision,” Sarek explained. “But neither of you are children anymore. It is not logical to superintend you. Therefore, you will be assigned a project to work on together. You will find cultural similarities between Vulcans and Humans. As it is understood that Humans are vastly complex, this project will take you longer than 24 hours to complete. You have two weeks to complete your project and turn it into the council for deliberation.” 

“It is not logical to force two people to spend time together who do not perceive the situation of our species in the same way, to such a degree that it caused violence to break out,” Solkar said, crossing his arms. 

“Not that I ever  _ want  _ to agree with him, but this time, I’m gonna have to,” Jim supported, trying very hard to keep his voice down.

“It seems it is already working,” Sarek said, cocking an eyebrow. If Jim didn’t know any better, he would say that Sarek looked smug. “You two already agree on viewpoints.”

“The last time I spoke to Solkar directly, I suffered cranial damage and a joint dislocation, Sir. Excuse me if I’m a little hesitant to agree to this project.” Jim said grimly. He was determined to have a say in this horrible project.

“If you do not wish to complete this project, that is your decision, James. However, it will not be looked upon well by the council if you are unwilling to work with your Vulcan peers.” 

_ God-fucking-dammit. _

“...Fine,” Jim huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And if I refuse to agree?” Solkar interjected. 

_ You would be fine with me looking bad, wouldn’t you, you absolute piece of shit? _ Jim thought, glaring at his counterpart.

“Then the council will have no choice but to put you on a prolonged suspension for the rest of your schooling year, and you will be held back from the secondary curriculum… again.” Sarek calmly folded his arms and watched Solkar with glittering eyes.

_ Again?  _ Jim almost laughed, but managed to stifle the chuckle in his throat.  _ I may be a dumbass in his eyes, but never  _ once  _ was  _ I _ held back. _

Solkar’s Vulcan exterior cracked just a little bit, as Jim saw the glint in his eye shift.

“I see.” Solkar was silent for a long moment. “I will participate.”

“Excellent. I will inform the council of your eagerness,” Sarek declared.

Jim almost cracked a smile; he couldn’t help it. Even if the Vulcan elder was enforcing this, it seemed to Jim as if the elder really was on his side with the way he spoke to Solkar. Still, he would never voice that opinion. Sarek stepped away, making his way inside, and the Vulcan boy turned toward Jim. The glint in his eye had changed from submissive to aggressive in a matter of seconds. And as Solkar opened his mouth to speak, Jim spoke first.

“Listen here, Solkar.” His calm, subdued armor faded, much faster than when he turned logic around on his opponent. Solkar paused, and Jim found his opening. “I was caught off-guard last time. But if you ever lay your hands on me again, I will knock you to the  _ fucking ground _ , do you understand me?” Jim’s tone was dark, but quiet enough so he didn’t attract attention to them. 

“You are lying. You would not risk the integration,” Solkar muttered back. He didn’t seem too sure, though.

_ Damn, I’m getting good at reading these people, _ Jim thought.

“The integration means a lot to me and all Humans. But I refuse to be bullied and abused by you or your friends. So, if you  _ really  _ want to see what kind of damage a Human can do, I’ll  _ happily  _ show you. Just name a time and place.” Jim squared his shoulders, projecting a level of confidence and aggression he rarely showed.

The taller of the two dwelled on these words, but before he could offer his retort, a quiet bell rang through the courtyard, and students shuffled into class. Jim gave him a smirk, and clapped him on the shoulder. 

“I’ll take ya to the Expanse tomorrow after school. Give you the real, in-depth experience. Then we’ll see what we’re really like…  _ partner.” _ Jim moved past him, smothering the grin on his face as he passed through the doors. Spock was soon at his side.

“I apologize for leaving you alone with him,” he murmured to Jim.

“Oh, it was no problem. I’m sure it was something that was going to happen eventually. But I’ve got plenty to tell you later.” He gave Spock a faint smile. They had to be distant in public, even if it hurt him. Spock nodded. He stopped outside of his skill dome center; it was a different room that Jim’s. Spock was in the second curriculum.

“I will seek you out during lunch,” Spock promised solemnly.

It wasn’t much of a choice, but it Jim wasn’t going to turn him down. He fought hard against the rising warmth that threatened to dust his cheeks a bright red, and the coy smile that, unfortunately, was twitching on his lips anyway.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.” Jim made his way with the crowd into the primary curriculum room, and Spock watched him go, a confusing but oddly warm feeling settling over his left side. Jim’s smile could only be described as… cute. Spock snapped back into focus.  _ No. Cuteness is an unspecific word, used only by the emotive.  _ Pulling himself together, he made his way into the skill dome room.

 

Jim flew through his courses with ease. With each passing question, he was almost excited to go the the next. For the first time since having come here, Jim was genuinely  _ happy.  _ He was getting all the answers right about history, grammar, punctuation, math, anatomy, and even the odd questions here and there about Vulcan knowledge. Time seemed to fly past him, and he barely recognized the pain spreading up his thighs when the skill domes paused for lunch. Jim climbed out, adjusting his glasses as he stood. When he straightened, he saw a girl there, about his height, looking at him curiously. 

“Uh… Hello,” he said. “Can I help you?” 

“No. I am T’Pring, betrothed to Spock. You are James Kirk, advisor to Spock.” 

She had the same statement-instead-of-questions problem that seemed to affect all Vulcans. But she was beautiful, and Jim could tell by the way she carried herself that she was vastly intelligent, and ‘betrothed’ was burning against his heart as the shock of her words began to settle in. Of course Spock was spoken for. Why didn’t Jim think of that? A cute, intelligent, helpful, creative boy like Spock must have a girlfriend… or, well, fiancé. Jim never knew Vulcans married so young.

“I guess,” was all Jim could get out.

“It is logical that we build rapport. I will attend lunch with you, and Spock will undoubtedly find us.” She turned on her heel and made her way out, no doubt assuming Jim would simply follow. 

T’Pring was just like Spock. Not a single chance to say no―she never gave the option to. Strong-willed. Probably rich and with status. Just like Spock.

Jim gulped and followed the intimidating Vulcan girl.

The two soon found themselves in the cafeteria where they stood in line and got their food. That sat at Jim’s normal table. T’Pring sat across from him. Jim had never been so self-conscious of his eating before. His anxiety began to peak, bubbling under his skin as they sat in silence. Just then, Spock found them, and sat in the space between them. A weight lifted off of Jim, even if his heart still ached. 

“Good afternoon,” Spock said, breaking the long-held silence. “I assume your studies are going well.”

“You assume correctly. I was able to observe that James was excelling in his courses during his first half.” T’Pring answered, glancing over at Jim.

“Spock’s tutoring helps a lot,” he blushed. 

_ God, I sound fucking dumb compared to them.  _ He grit his teeth at the thought.

“I feel like I’m finally making some progress,” he tried again.  _ Feel. _ What a meaningless word in a city like this, in a society like this, with people like this. He should have worded it differently. Vulcan’s don’t  _ feel _ , they  _ know _ . It is not a question, it is a statement. A thesis. Every debate Vulcans had sounded like an oral essay. No Kirk had ever done just the bare minimum, but Jim always bullshitted his essays to get by. Essay writing was never his strong suit. But now he had to come up with valid and well-formed essays off the top of his head in front of people who have been trained to think this way since birth. Jim must sound like some uncivilized hick. 

“It is wise to leave margin for the unexpected,” T’Pring commented after a moment. “That is something I believe that Humans are better at. They do not assume to know everything exactly, and therefore are better with the presence of outliers and are willing to consider them. Vulcans, admittedly, lack the level of skill.” 

Jim’s racing internalization halted at her words. She…  _ respected  _ emotion? That wasn’t normal. 

_ Just like Spock. _

Jim was beginning to feel sick as Spock and T’Pring carried on with their conversation. Not only was T’Pring a Vulcan, intelligent and beautiful, she was also a Human sympathizer. No wonder they were together. 

_ Vulcans don’t date humans.  _

Besides, he was just assuming that Spock was into guys. Who was he to believe that Spock would be into  _ him  _ of all people? Jim really wanted to try to find a flaw, to find a reason why Spock shouldn’t be with T’Pring, but just as Jim couldn’t find a good reason for Spock to like him, he couldn’t find a viable reason for him to leave her. Jim just ate quietly as always, glancing up only when Spock mentioned his name.

“You informed me that you had information earlier this morning,” he said, watching Jim closely. 

_ Oh, yeah.  _

“The council assigned Solkar and me a project comparing our culture’s similarities. Sarek said it was for us to get to a point where we don’t attack each other every time we’re in the same room.” 

The two Vulcans lifted their eyebrows, and Jim would have rolled his eyes if anyone in that room knew the meaning of the gesture. 

“An over-exaggeration for emphasis,” he explained drily. “Though, frankly, I’m not sure how over-exaggerated that statement really is.”

“Why do you say that?” T’Pring asked.

Jim shrugged, picking at his food. “This morning I told him that if he ever laid his hands on me again, I’d hurt him.”

“Strong words for someone who lost the last conflict,” Spock chimed in, and Jim couldn’t help but feel the ache in his heart intensify. Spock didn’t think he could handle himself.

“I’m a lot of things, but I’ve never been a liar. Sure, I exaggerate and make a metaphor for almost everything, but I don’t lie. And even if I did, I wouldn’t make a blind threat,” Jim replied, trying to keep the venom from infiltrating his voice.

“And what experience do you have fighting?” T’Pring followed up.

“Humans don’t glorify fighting anymore, and we have a tendency to avoid it, but we can protect ourselves. Ever since I was a kid, my older brother’s taught me how to protect myself, even if it was a bit inadvertent. But I’ve gotten in a handful of fights for good reasons. Before Solkar, the most recent fist fight I’d been in was with a boy named Nigel, a Human well on his way to being an extremist. He attacked me after my first day of attending the Learning Center. He didn’t win.” He paused, glancing up at his lunch mates. Their wide eyes regarded him solemnly. “Not that I make it a habit of getting into fights,” he said quickly. 

Vulcans were pacifistic. Jim was aware they would find the notion of physical conflict distasteful. But at the same time, they should understand what Humans were capable of so they could better prepare themselves. Humans were known for doing horrible, unrepairable things when they felt oppressed.

“I see.” Spock didn’t seem very shocked at Jim’s words. It was probably easy to infer Jim’s tendency to get in dangerous situations after his passionate “discussion” with Solkar.

“How do you intend to go about your project?” T’Pring asked.

Jim grimaced in distaste. “I’m bringing Solkar to the Expanse after class tomorrow, and I’ll reason my way into convincing him to take me further into ShiKahr.” 

“You’re taking him to the Expanse?” Spock echoed, eyebrows furrowed slightly. “And you are unconcerned of the potential conflict that may put both of you in?”

“It is one thing to be in a fist fight with one person, and another to be attacked by an entire group of people. You said it yourself, James, there is at least one of your own on his way to being an Extremist,” T’Pring said.

“You’re right,” Jim said, his tone quieter as he looked at his almost finished meal. “But I have to fight for my right to be here every day. And maybe it’s shallow and vindictive, but if I have to face so much scrutiny and rejection by not only Vulcans, but my own species, then he can handle it for an hour or two a few days a week.” 

The conversation died out after his comment, and Jim knew he wasn’t wrong. As he finished his meal and turned in his dishes, the quiet bell went off and the students began to shuffle back toward their classes. Jim didn’t wait for Spock and T’Pring. Seeing them together again might just make him cry.


	6. Chapter 6

Spock looked to T’Pring as Jim left. His heart ached in his side for the blonde deplorably.

“He did not seem himself,” he told her as they gathered their dishes and returned them as the bell rang.

“Does he know of our arrangement?” she asked. She never could outright talk about their agreement to not go through with the bonding ceremony in public. 

“I did not know if I could trust him,” Spock responded. “We have not discussed this with anyone other than Stonn.” 

“If you wish to tell him, you can. But I believe his mannerisms changed when I told him of our betrothment. Human bonding ceremonies likely are not the same as Vulcan bonding ceremonies.” 

“That is a safe assumption,” Spock mused, stopping before the doors of the primary curriculum center. 

“This has been a most informative lunch experience. James is quite the interesting human. I see why you are so eager to spend time with him.” T’Pring lifted an eyebrow at Spock, who couldn’t fight the green tint rising to his cheeks. She lifted the ta’al.  _ “Dif-tor heh smusma,  _ Spock.”  

The two parted. Spock hastened his pace, much on his mind to think about.    
  


Jim hoped he would be able to avoid seeing Spock after school. He was tired, his legs hurt, and he wanted to see his Momma and Leonard. He missed them dearly. Pulling on his bag and making his way out, he found that his hope was in vain, because Spock was waiting for him outside the doors.

“James,” Spock said, seemingly perking up a bit. 

“Hey, Spock.” Spock moved to walk beside Jim as the human continued to walk.

“There is something I wish to discuss with you. Something I believe to be of importance.” Jim looked to him with a raised eyebrow, and Spock went on. “I believe I can safely assume that bonding is not the same for Vulcans as it is for Humans.”

“Bonding? What’s that?”

“It is a ceremony to declare you and your betrothed as lifelong mates… we do not normally speak of this, but you will not learn of it anywhere else.”

“So… marriage?” 

“Something like that, I suppose. But there are many intricacies to bonding that do not parallel Human standard. For instance, Vulcans are not partnered with people they care for, but rather people who have a similar mental wavelength. There are a significantly reduced amount of females in the Vulcan species. There have been many studies as to why, but we have proven that the female Vulcans come from mentally well-matched people. In order to preserve the females of our species, the best we can do is match them with the most similar-in-mind Vulcan males as we can… that being said, we do not force our women to marry. The bond can be challenged. That, however, is a different discussion for a different time.” Spock’s explanation had taken them all the way from the corridor of the school to the outside of the courtyard, and the shuttle was beginning to pull up to the curb. 

“That’s… interesting. Thank you, Spock.” Jim was more confused than ever, but didn’t let on about it. “Have a good evening.”

“And you, James.” 

The human made his way into the shuttle, bag in his lap. He buckled in, and the driver began to make his way back to the Expanse. Jim rested his head back, doing his best not to sigh. He could feel the driver looking at him through the mirror, however, and when he opened his eyes, they made eye contact.

“Your injury is garish,” The driver explained. Jim grinned a little.

“Thanks… Hey, I never got your name. What can I call you?” He asked.

“My name is Tarrul.”

“Well, Tarrul, thank you for driving me to and from school everyday. It means a lot.” The Vulcan lifted an eyebrow.

“It is logical to do so, as it is my job. You need not thank me.”

“I know. But I want to.” 

“...You are welcome, James.” The rest of the car ride was quiet, and while the situation with Spock and the council still troubled him greatly, it was the Thruday now, and he could be with his friends and family and soon would not have to worry about it for a few days. Tarrul stopped outside of the Expanse, and Jim gathered his bag. He could see his family and friends just inside. 

“Have a good evening, Tarrul. I’ll see you on Monday.” Jim gave him a smile, and the Vulcan nodded his response, and Jim stepped out, gently closing the door behind him. He made his way inside, waving to the guards, and smiled wide as he saw his mom.

Winona Kirk had never felt so relieved to see Jim smile.

Jim ran over to her, meeting his mother in a hug. Tears burned at his eyes as his mother wrapped her arms around him, and the world seemed at peace. He hadn’t realized how hard it was to keep everything inside around the Vulcans for so long. 

“Oh, baby,” Winona cooed, kissing the top of his head. “You’ve got such a nasty bruise… When I find that bastard kid that hurt you-”

“Mom, I’m sure Jim’s handled it,” Sammy spoke, and Jim opened his eyes to seem his older brother, grinning. 

“Hey, Sam,” Jim croaked, and moved to hug his brother. “I missed you, dude…”

“I missed you too, dipshit.”

“Language!” Winona chided as Sam and Jim laughed softly.

“What are we, chopped liver?” Jim turned to see McCoy, and he grinned widely at his best friend. “You’ve got quite the shiner there, bud. Almost makes ya pretty.” Jim laughed, and McCoy grinned back before it faltered, and he put his hand on the base of Jim’s neck, yanking him into a hug. “Don’t pull that crap again, kid. I heard about that cranial damage and I almost walked to ShiKahr midday.” Jim held onto his friend. McCoy was never the touchy-feely kind of guy, and Jim respected that (though, there were only a few situations where McCoy  _ was  _ touchy-feely, and that was when they got wasted at one of Scotty’s infamous house parties and they spooned on the ground because it was so cold, when that bitter bitch Vivian left him and made him split custody with his three-year-old daughter Joanna, and when Jim had done something particularly stupid).

“I can’t make any promises. If I did, you would call me out on my crap,” Jim responded, and Bones gave a soft laugh, clapping him on the back.

“Alright, you’re fine.” The two separated, and Pavel was quick to move over and wrap his arms around him, hugging him tight. Jim laughed and hugged the smaller boy. Pavel was the only person in their friend group who openly accepted and wanted that platonic affection, and due to Jim’s naturally affectionate nature, it came easily.

“Nyota and I vere getting ready to find that  Shluha vokzal’naja!” Pavel said, and Jim chuckled.

“You guys don’t need to worry about Solkar hurting me. I made it very clear I wouldn’t let him do it anymore.” He ruffled Pavel’s hair and made his way through the rest of his friends, and the group walked the Kirks home. It wasn’t a very long trek from the main road to the poorer part of town―mostly because the majority of humanity as they now knew it was in poverty. Not everyone could be as rich as the Uhura’s. At least they were kind enough to be discreet about it. 

When Jim walked into the house, it was incredibly relieving to simply know where everything was. He gave a hug to his friends one last time and thanked them before he made his way inside. His mother and brother made dinner. It was Jim’s favorite, mac and cheese. Honestly? Jim preferred homemade over synthesizer any day, because it meant his could be with his family.

“How’s Amanda?” Winona asked, serving her eldest son his portion.

“She’s good… A little weird around Sarek, but good.” Winona paused slightly, then smiled sadly.

“Sarek. I haven’t heard that name in a while. How is he?”

“...Good, I guess.” 

“Poor Amanda.”

“What do you mean?” Winona looked to Jim and smiled.

“Not my place to tell. But I’m sure she’ll tell you when she’s ready.” The youngest blonde could understand that, and he dug into his dinner.

 

It was later that night, after he showered, changed into pajamas, and was getting comfy with his PADD that he realized a grievous mistake. 

This wasn’t his PADD, it was Spock’s.

Which meant that Spock had to have Jim’s PADD. Where all of his studies were. Jim facepalmed, sighing deeply. Well, at least he could get some more intense studying in before he had to sleep. Opening the PADD with practiced ease, he opened the studying app, and got to work on some of the past chapters, as a review to get caught up to where he was now.

Jim was enthralled with all the information. Science had never been so interesting! Jim had forgotten what it was like to be challenged, and was speeding through these lessons as fast as he could. He could practically feel his mind sharpening as he fell into the flow of it all. Vulcan History he found to be very interesting. He didn’t know about the Teachings of Surak all that well, but one search on the PADD and he was able to find a digital version of it. He read through the first few chapters, automatically annotating and writing questions in the margins, genuinely interested. It was only when his eyes could no longer stay open that he finally gave in and turned off the PADD to go to sleep. Hopefully, Spock wouldn’t be upset that he took his PADD by accident. And with that last fleeting thought, Jim fell fast asleep.

 

Spock was far from upset. He realized the mix up a few hours before Jim had, but by that time, Jim had already gotten back to the Expanse. Curious of Human technology, and deciding he could help advance Jim’s studies at a faster pace, Spock unlocked the PADD and began to fly through the questions with ease. It was almost absurd with what the council had assigned his primary curriculum. This wasn’t primary, it was fundamental, and likely something James had learnt many years ago. The technology itself was basic, but it got the job done. 

In the name of curiosity, Spock began to search through the PADD. He assured himself that it would be because he wished to learn more about the tech, but when he closed the app and saw an image of Jim and a man a few years older than him wearing medical scrubs and wearing that infamous James Kirk grin, Spock couldn’t help the green that tinted the tips of his ears. There weren’t many applications on it. He did, however, find one that peaked his interest:

_ Personal Log.  _

He shouldn’t do it. There would be no logical reason for him to go looking through Jim’s personal log. Absolutely none. If Jim found out, he could ruin their acquaintanceship. 

_ If  _ being the key word.

Spock didn’t know what possessed him when he found himself pressing on the application, and finding several personal logs.  _ No better place to start than the beginning. _

Turning down the volume a great deal, Spock settled to lay on his right side with the speaker just under his ear. It was the only way to ensure that no one would hear what Jim would say. He pressed play, and began to listen to Jims voice. 

Hearing his story of woe left Spock feeling cold inside. No wonder Jim felt so anxious in his home. It was so different to what he was used to, not that what he was used to was very healthy. How Jim managed to be so happy after everything was a wonder to him. Spock had only been to the Expanse twice in his life. He remembered dirt roads and short buildings, but he had never seen poverty there. Maybe it was a small percentage. Or maybe they were just very good at hiding it.

Either way, Humans are much more complex than Spock originally thought.

Spock scrolled to the next recording and pressed play, leaning down to listen to it. 

 

_ “They don’t really talk to me there,”  _ Jim’s voice crackled through the speaker. It wasn’t very clear, compared to his real voice.  _ “I can’t tell if it’s nice or not. On one hand, the more they don’t talk to me, the less likely I am to be bullied. But it also means I have no friends in ShiKahr. And when the time comes for me to go before the council and plead for integration… I won’t have any Vulcans to back me up. I’ll seem like a whiny little kid begging for another cookie. But I know that even if I try, they probably won’t talk to me. _

_ “The skill domes are less than appropriate for my skill level. I can do better, I know. They just aren’t giving me the chance. I can’t understand why, the Vulcans are reasonable, logical people. They wouldn’t purposefully ignore my skillset to make me seem dumber than I am… right?” _

_ “I don’t know. I feel stupid putting anything past them. Nothing is outside the realm of possibility if you don’t know what you’re dealing with... I don’t want to think badly of them, though. The only way this is gonna work is if we all give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’ll just keep on studying and trying to get better, and hopefully my skill dome will be more my speed. They probably just didn’t know where to start, and wanted to make sure I had work to do on my first day… I’m exhausted. Standing the whole day really strains my legs. Bones is gonna have to crack my back the next time I see him… I’m gonna go to bed. Kirk out.” _

Standing the whole day? That was a strained muscle waiting to happen. Spock decided he would tell Jim that he didn’t have to stand the whole time. The idea of doing so made Spock want to stretch his calves. 

Spock listened to log after log, each more solemn yet optimistic than the last. It was almost sunrise by the time Spock got to the most recent one. Looking at the time stamp, he realized it was a personal log from while Jim was staying at his home. It was only then that Spock paused. Did he really want to know what Jim was thinking while he stayed there? What if it was horrible? After some careful deliberation, Spock decided it was best to know, and he pressed play, leaning his head down to listen to it.

_ “I got hit yesterday. And not just your regular smack to the face, no, some asshat named Solkar dislocated my jaw… it still hurts. The Vulcan healers will be coming by today, though, so hopefully I’ll get more pain meds.”  _ Jim seemed to pause for a long moment. When he spoke again, it was much softer. Almost… ashamed.  _ “It’s weird being here… I appreciate everything they’ve done, and their home is beautiful, but it’s so big for four people. I could get lost here. And not in the good way. Not to mention the stunt I pulled with Sarek… I can’t believe I said that. Concussed or not, it was inappropriate. What must he think of me? I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t wish to speak to me ever again. _

_ “Their home is so much cleaner than mine. Keeping everything sanitary can be hard when everything is expensive. But we do our best, and we certainly don’t have the worst home in the Expanse. But I got to sleep on a bed. My brother and I are meant to be sharing or switching every night, but I just let him have it. He’s the one who works, he deserves it more. _

_ “Sharing a bed…”  _ Jim paused again, but his tone was different. It sounded like he was smiling. Spock was reminded of that shy smile in the corridor early that day.  _ “I shared one with Spock last night. We didn’t do anything dirty, but… his voice is just so smooth and deep, and whenever he spoke his chest vibrated a little, and he let me lean against him. It’s always so warm on Vulcan, but he was cool, and I couldn’t help but fall asleep. I don’t know how long he stayed there after I fell asleep, and it’s okay if he just slipped out of bed the second he realized I was asleep, but I like to think that maybe he lingered a little. He wouldn’t do anything weird, just… stayed with me.”  _ Jim let out a small noise, and Spock recognized it as embarrassment. The Vulcan in question had a faint green hue over his cheeks and ears.  _ “That’s just a thought, though. He wouldn’t do it… I must still be concussed. And I still need to study. Kirk out.” _

The human has developed a romantic attachment to him. Spock couldn’t help but feel a little flattered. The boy who looked as if he had been kissed by the sun itself felt that a boy from a society that strives for conformity was different than everyone else, that he was… special. While he and T’Pring had made it abundantly clear to each other that they would not be married when the time came, and while Spock knew that in this case, he would need to have someone that would be there for him during his time, he was hesitant to make an attempt to court the human. There was obvious interest, but… James was human. To date a human is distasteful, and it would be selfish of him to ask Jim to keep their relationship a secret. Vulcans do not hide their mates, and they are not known for their abundance of romantic partners. Spock was aware that Humans viewed this differently, and Spock didn’t know what he would do if Jim woke one day and decided that he no longer thought of Spock as special. 

But Jim always had something about him that even Spock, with all his logic, couldn’t place. A coy smile, a faint blush, and a laugh would be meaningless from anyone else. But Jim… He wore it so well. And perhaps it’s because in spite of everything that has happened in his life, he continues to be so positive-thinking. It is logical to be doubtful, or sour from everything. But his trust in Vulcans haven’t wavered, and his love of his species has only intensified, if anything. Jim continues to be as logic-defying as ever, and Spock didn’t quite know how to react to it.

He supposed that the only thing he could do was try to decipher whether or not his own feelings would reflect Jim’s. 


	7. Chapter 7

Jim Kirk found himself on the way to Shikahr far faster than he ever wanted to be. The new day’s sun was peeking over the horizon of the Forge, and Tarrul was as quiet as ever.

“Hey, Tarrul?” Jim asked.

“Yes, James?”

“Do you ever want to go off-planet?” 

“I have no logical reason to leave.”

“So… that’s a no, I guess.” Jim looked out at the landscape. Tarrul looked at him through the mirror.

“And you?” Tarrul returned. Jim gave a sad, distant smile.

“I would give anything to be on another planet,” He murmured. “I have a lot here, but… sometimes I want to be somewhere where no one knows my name.” Tarrul lifted an eyebrow.

“Why?” 

“Because I’m so tired of people pretending like they know me. I mean, yes, they know my name, and they know my face, but they have no clue what I’m like or what I’ve overcome.”

“And what have you overcome?”

Jim laughed a little.

“Maybe too much.” 

Tarrul slowed to a stop before the school, and Jim could see Spock speaking with T’Pring in the courtyard. Jim could feel the dejection spreading through his veins. 

“Thank you, Tarrul,” Jim said, then opened the door and slid out. He gently closed the door behind him, and began to make his way over to Spock, digging through his bag to pull out the PADD. However, his feet seemed to fail him, and Jim felt the embarrassment rising before he even began to fall. He hugged the tablet close to his chest to protect it, but he saw arms reaching out and suddenly, he was in the arms of a tall Vulcan. And it wasn’t Spock. But upon looking up, a bright red was rushing to his cheeks, because this boy was… gorgeous. 

He had dark eyes, much like everyone else on Vulcan, but they seemed warmer, somehow. Vulcan was always such a hot planet, but whose eyes seemed to make warmth spread through his chest. It was so much like Spock , except… He was so different. His lips, thin and stoic, looked surprisingly soft. James never associated Vulcans with ‘soft’. Not to mention those cheekbones could cut  _ diamonds.  _

“Sorry,” He managed, and the Vulcan helped him back onto his feet. 

“It was not your fault. It was theirs.” Those warm eyes glanced over Jim’s shoulder, and he turned to see a group of Vulcans, looking rather smug for people who are normally expressionless. Jim sighed a little.

“Whatever. I’ve dealt with worse.” When he looked back to the Vulcan, he was staring at him a little oddly. 

“I can see that.” Jim’s hand instinctively rested over the bruise on his jaw.

“James,” A voice interrupted, and he turned to see Spock making his way over to them. “Are you alright? I witnessed what they did.” 

“I’m alright. He caught me… I never got your name, by the way?” Jim asked.

“Sinyl,” The Vulcan replied. “And you are James Kirk.” Jim remembered the conversation he had with Tarrul earlier that day, but suddenly, he seemed not to mind all that much. He grinned a little.

“Well, thank you, Sinyl.” 

“You are welcome, James.” Jim turned to look at Spock. 

“I think I accidently grabbed your tablet,” He informed him, handing it over to him. Spock took it and looked back up to James as he handed over the Human’s tablet. The bell rang as Jim was stuffing the tablet back into his bag, but Sinyl stayed at his side.

“I will see you during lunch,” Spock said. Still not much of a question. It was kind of starting to get on his nerves.

“Sure,” Jim said. Spock and T’Pring began to leave, and Jim’s jealousy was still rising. Sinyl was hot, but damn, Spock was… Spock. He turned to his companion, who still stood with him, and smiled. “Are you in the second curriculum?” He asked as they began to walk inside.

“No, I requested to stay behind another year, to be sure I can handle it,” Sinyl replied. 

“So… you saw everything with Solkar, didn’t you?”

“I did. It was ironic, seeing as Solkar’s name belongs to the Vulcan to make first contact with the humans.”

“You’re kidding,” Jim said, grinning up at him.

“Vulcans do not ‘kid’.” Jim would have laughed, if he were in the Expanse. Sinyl seemed like a good guy. Jim squinted as they entered the skilldome, and Jim parted with his new friend to make his way to the skilldome.

 

“I do not see the logic in holding James that long,” Spock told T’Pring as they made their way inside.

“It was logical to allow the human time to reorient. He recently suffered cranial damage, and Humans do not heal as fast as Vulcans.” Spock didn’t look T’Pring in the eye. “Or… perhaps it is not logical to you because-”

“That’s enough, T’Pring.”

“I will tell you when it is enough, Spock.” Spock was quiet for a moment. It was well-known that in primal days, woman were not shown much respect. This has since changed, but women are still sure to be treated fairly. 

“I apologize,” Spock told her, and T’Pring nodded.

“You are forgiven.”

“However… your assumptions may be correct, and I am concerned.”

“You have always struggled with this aspect of your life, Spock. You are statistically more likely to be susceptible to such things.”

“It is distasteful,” He murmured to her. 

“It is. You must learn to control it. And that is not something I can help you with.” The two stopped outside the second curriculum room, and T’Pring turned to him. They had purposefully distanced themselves from the rest of the group. “Perhaps when it comes to being with a human, you must allow yourself emotion, sparingly.”

“That is a logical conclusion,” Spock replied.

“I will see you during lunch.”

“Until then.” The two parted ways, Spock still deeply troubled with Sinyl on the metaphorical table.

 

As Jim eased through his questions, he couldn’t help but think of the new Vulcan that had entered his life. Sinyl. Even his name sounded naughty. Now, while Jim had a deeply romantic nature, he was by no means the kind of person who slept around with just anyone, nor was he afraid to explore his sexuality (and he had indeed explored his sexuality). Jim lost his virginity to a boy name Gary Mitchell, about a year ago. They had been dating for almost two years, and one day Gary had come to his house and well, one thing led to another, and Jim found himself with an odd soreness but a feeling of satisfaction. He and Gary broke up about six months after, and had sex maybe a few times during that time, but in the end, Gary and he just grew apart. There weren’t any bad feelings.

The idea of becoming that close with a Vulcan made Jim’s cheeks burn up. He knew that Vulcans mated for life, or at least, never had more than two partners in their lives (He had read a lot of Surak’s teachings while he had Spock’s PADD, and was surprised to see a section about ‘proper sexuality’. It reminded him a lot about how virginity was considered pure, in the ancient Christianity). But whenever he imagined being so intimate with a Vulcan, that Vulcan was… Spock. Sinyl make him feel fuzzy and maybe there would be some time dedicated to thinking about him after school hours, but Jim had to ask himself exactly what he wanted from him. The last thing he wanted was to lead him on.

The time seemed to pass with something to think about, and soon the skill domes were paused for lunch. He climbed out of his, and to his happy surprise, there stood the very object of Jim’s thoughts. The fuzzy feelings in his belly arose once more. Sinyl carried himself with such prestige, and well, Jim was attracted to that in a person.

“Would you mind if I walked you to the cafeteria?” Sinyl asked, and Jim’s heart just about melted. He  _ asked. _ He didn’t make statements or assumptions, he  _ asked!  _ Jim hoped Sinyl couldn’t hear his heart pounding in his chest.

“Not at all,” He replied, and the two began to make their way to the cafeteria.

“I noticed that you do very well in your skill dome,” Sinyl said, and Jim blushed faintly.

“It’s all easy stuff right now. I can perform more difficult things, I just need to continue my studies.” 

“I see. Either way, I am sure you are surpassing the council’s expectations… You certainly surpassed mine.” Jim could barely contain his smile.  _ A man after my own heart. _

“Thank you… That means a lot, Sinyl,” He said, and the two had finally set foot in the cafeteria. Jim could see Spock and T’Pring sitting at his table. 

“It is logical to say what is true, James,” The boy replied, and the two got in the queue for their lunch. “Other than your experience with Solkar and the group of people who tripped you earlier, how has your experience with the learning center been so far?”

“Informative,” He said, taking the bowl of soup that the servers handed him. “I’ve learned a lot from coming here. I hope that when this testing trial is complete, the council will consider integration… It would be incredibly beneficial to my people. But I don’t want to start making any claims that it will solve everything before I know that it will be mutualism, not parasitism.” 

“An interesting take. Many people here assume that the humans simply want to take over.” Jim frowned a little and shook his head.

“I’m sure there are some humans who believe that, just as I’m sure that there are some Vulcans who wish to take over the Expanse, too. But it is to my understanding that we are not looking to take complete control; we are looking for equity… I am completely aware that the integration would be only one step of many. It won’t solve everyone’s problems, and I know that my species will think they are owed more. But if it is to be truly equal, we have to give as much as you do. No one is entirely right or wrong.”

“A fascinating perspective,” Sinyl said as they began to make their way toward Spock and T’Pring. “Perhaps we might be able to speak more of it at a later time.” Jim smiled at Sinyl softly.

“That sounds nice,” Jim replied, and Sinyl nodded before making his way toward his own friends, and Jim sat beside Spock and T’Pring.

“You and Sinyl seem to have become advisors quickly in a such a short amount of time,” T’Pring commented.

“I just have that kind of personality, I guess,” Jim hummed, lifting his spoon and beginning to eat.

“Would you elaborate on that?” T’Pring asked. 

“People just like to talk to me,” He said with a shrug. “It happens with humans, too.”

“And what is it about your personality that makes people wish to talk to you?”

“Ouch,” He chuckled. “That’s harsh, T’Pring.”

“It is something I wish to know, too,” Spock spoke up, and Jim frowned.  _ Okay, what’s their deal? _

“I guess it’s kind of a given that when people stop talking, they can listen more.” Both looked rather shocked at Jim’s wording, and he got up to move to a different table, wanting to be alone. He thought that they were his friends, but he supposed that since it seems that the word friend wasn’t even in their vocabulary, that it was an unfair and incorrect assumption. Maybe he was assuming too much. Maybe it was his fault, but then someone was sitting beside him, and it genuinely relieved him to see Sinyl. If he were human, Jim would have walked over to him already, but he didn’t want to impose on his friends.

“I must’ve made a scene,” He murmured to Sinyl. “I apologize for my emotional outburst.”

“You only made a scene to those who could hear it,” Sinyl responded. “Not many could.”

“Could you?”

“Yes.”

“Then my apology stands.” Sinyl lifted an eyebrow at Jim, who stirred his soup a little. “Sorry. I just… I don’t know what happened. We were getting along just fine, but then…”

“You need not explain yourself to me, James,” Sinyl assured. 

“Thanks, Sinyl…” He smiled at him, and Sinyl returned to eating his meal, and Jim did the same, feeling significantly better.

 

Spock, on the other hand, was not. 

“Why did you bring that up, T’Pring?” Spock asked, struggling to not let his emotions through his carefully guarded defenses.

“You are my betrothed, and my advisor. It is logical for me to be sure that… my assumption from earlier this morning does not negatively impact you.”

“And now he sits with Sinyl.”

“If you disagreed with me, you would not have followed up the same questioning.”

Spock couldn’t find a logical response, so the Vulcan stayed quiet. He stirred his soup slightly, no longer hungry, as he appetite went away more and more with each smile Jim gave Sinyl.

_ It should be me at his side.  _

 

The rest of the day went as expected. Jim was dreading bringing Solkar to the Expanse. It hadn’t taken long for the word to spread that Jim had been hurt by a Vulcan, and Jim couldn’t guarantee Solkar’s safety. But as it turns out, that wasn’t the most odd or difficult thing about that day, because when Jim pulled himself out of his skill dome and collected his bag, Spock was stood there. Sore and tired, Jim couldn’t feel more tense if he tried. He just wanted that day to be  _ over _ . 

“Hey,” He murmured.

“I understand you have a prior arrangement, so I will… keep this brief,” Spock said, and if Jim didn’t know any better, he would say Spock seemed guilty. Jim pushed his glasses up with the tips of his fingers, waiting for Spock to speak. “I apologize for what was said today during our lunch hour. It was inappropriate, and I understand that apologies hold great meaning and is the correct action after an infraction.” 

Jim looked over Spock’s shoulder to see Sinyl climbing out of his skill dome. He wanted Sinyl to interrupt this conversation, so Jim wouldn’t have to say what he knew would hurt them both, but… Jim didn’t forgive Spock yet, and he had things to do.

“Apologies are correct only if you mean them, Spock...” Jim muttered. “And I know that you don’t.” He went to walk past him, but he felt a hand on his wrist stop him. Had Jim moved any quicker, if his strides were longer, then the hand wouldn’t have reached for him. But they were shoulder-to-shoulder, and the hand was easily hidden. Out of his periferal, he saw Spock pan his head toward him a little.

“You do not need to stand the whole time. No one does.” The black-haired boy released him and walked toward T’Pring’s skill dome, leaving Jim speechless.

_ He’d listened to the personal logs. _

Jim did not have the mental space to unpack all of that. He needed a hot meal and a long nap. At least he had the weekend, now. Tucking it into the back of his mind, he rubbed at his temples a bit before walking out, eyes adjusting to the light with some difficulty. He found Solkar in the courtyard, who seemed almost as disgruntled at the idea of being in the vicinity of each other as Jim.

“We’ll have to be discreet. My people aren’t that pleased that you hit me,” Jim said as they piled into the car.

“I understand,” Solkar replied, looking out the window. Jim suppressed a sigh, looking to the driver. 

“Good afternoon, Tarrul. How are you?” He asked.

“I am sufficient,” Tarrul replied. He seemed a little more calculating than normal. Maybe it was because Solkar was in the car, too. Jim knew how much image meant to Vulcans; he thought it was incredibly shallow, but he would be lying if that wasn’t one thing in common that the two species had.

The ride to the Expanse was a quiet one. A mutual disdain for the situation flowed through the air between the two boys. If Tarrul picked up on it, he didn’t say anything. Jim thanked the driver as he slid out, who nodded slightly. Solkar looked at the human oddly, and Jim could hear the ‘it’s illogical to thank someone for doing their job’ nonsense in his mind without him needing to say it. Tarrul drove off after both boys were out of the car, and would return in  three hours to pick Solkar up, at the request of his family. 

“Stick close and shut up,” He told Solkar as they made their way to the gates. Jim waved to the security guard, who nodded to Solkar, eyebrow raised. Jim waved his hand a little - the sign of ‘it doesn’t matter, it’s fine’. The man let them through, and Jim made a sharp left, darting for the alleyway and quickly out of sight. 

“Why are you so adamant that I stay out of sight?” Solkar asked.

“For your safety, dumbass,” He grumbled, moving along between the alleys. It wasn’t long before they were in the lesser fortunate part of town. 

“Why are these people choosing to live in such insufficient shelters?” Solkar asked Jim as they walked along the road when no alleys were available. Jim almost laughed. They were on the street that he knew no one would attack. It was the street of people who didn’t have houses; their homes were the skeletons of houses and old sheets that were very quickly deteriorating into threads. It was the worst of the worst. 

“They didn’t choose this, Solkar,” Jim said quietly, letting a gaggle of little kids who were playing with a flat football run by. “A lot of us struggle to afford homes without a double income from two good paying jobs.”

“Then they should apply for better paying jobs.”

“They don’t have the right qualifications.”

“Then they should get them.”

“That costs money that they simply don’t have, or are saving to feed themselves and their kids. Less and less people are having kids, nowadays. It’s all too expensive.”

“Then the problem is the government.”

“The problem is more complicated than that. It is the government and inflation, and it’s also because we no longer had help or funding, two things that are not easy to fix, by both my standards and yours. No systematic problem is.”

“...I see.” 

Jim snorted.

“I very much doubt that.” He glanced to his right to see a gaggle of his peers, obviously having just gotten out of school judging by the ratty old backpacks slinging off of their shoulders and books in the arms of those who couldn’t afford backpacks (most were hand-me-downs, much like the books, but backpacks weren’t known to hold up to the wear and tears of time and Mrs. Elliott’s Chemistry homework). “We’d better get you out of here.” He nodded for Solkar to follow behind him closely as he picked up his pace, going to the nearest safehouse - Bones’ house. Jim had obtained a key to his place shortly after McCoy moved in. See, the elder of the two knew that Jim never had his own bed or enough food, and would often invite Jim over, as Bones bought food but never really ate it. He was barely home. That’s why Jim thought that when he walked in, Bones would be volunteering at the clinic or studying at the hospital or something. But to the blonde’s surprise, when he unlocked the door and walked in, he instantly got a smell of McCoy’s famous beans and  _ God’s Gonna Cut You Down  _ by Johnny Cash playing on his record player.

The record player was a family heirloom that McCoy took good care of. Never let Jim touch it; in fact, Jim had never seen anyone other than Bones touch it. Jim loved listening to Bones’ records. Whenever he and Sammy got into a bad fight, which wasn’t often, Jim would go to Bones’ place to listen to whatever vinyl was in the record player until he calmed down. But when Jim heard the heavy guitar strings and the low threatening tone of Johnny Cash’s signature voice telling him that God was going to cut him down for his sins, Jim just about had a heart attack.

“Hey Jimmy,” Bones spoke, laying down the spoon he’d been stirring with as both of the young men made their way inside. “How was-” When the brunette turned to look at him, his gaze quickly shifted to the Vulcan, whose skin was flush green from the heat of the sun as it peaked that afternoon. 

Leonard Horatio McCoy was not an easily swayed man. He prided himself on this. Before Vivian, he was a virgin intent on saving himself for marriage, and not a single person caught his fancy. Post-Vivian, there may have been a few drunken flings with a few men here and there, but when McCoy got himself back together again, he devoted his time to his beautiful five-year-old daughter Joanna, his schooling, volunteering, and looking after Jim Kirk. Leonard Horatio McCoy was not a man who grew weak at the knees for anyone, not after Vivian, and maybe not ever againㅡor at least, that's what he'd thought.

Because when his eyes laid on that slightly disheveled Vulcan with a glint of an authority problem in his eye and a snobbiness to combat the Mudd family, Leonard wanted to wipe it off his face, and show him just who was in charge. Not to mention how soon after, his heart was beating a million miles a minute, and he really hoped that his cheeks weren’t as heated as the rest of his body was.

“I see ya brought a friend,” He said, leaning against the counter.

“Hardly,” Solkar replied, gaze intense and unwavering as it fixed on the older man. 

“Doc, this is Solkar. The one who decked me.”

“I remember.” Bones lifted an eyebrow at the Vulcan, but said nothing more.

“Look, I’ve got to make sure that a crowd of kids isn’t gonna come looking for him, can you keep an eye on him?” Jim asked, putting his bag down and shucking off his Vulcan robes to reveal a white t-shirt and jeans (Jim always felt uncomfortable going only in boxers under the robes) and promptly tossing it on the couch.

“Yeah,” Bones said, and Jim slipped out of the house. He stepped toward the Vulcan, who seemed rather stubborn. “So… You hit Jimmy.”

“He provoked me.”

“He provokes a lot of people. But not one person ever went back for a second round. You should listen to that warning.”

“And why should I listen to you?”

“‘Cause you don’t know nothin’ about Jimmy or what he’s been through. He’s the kindest soul you’ve ever met, at first glance. He’s trustin’, and loyal ‘till his last breath. But if ya piss him off, well you might as well sign off your soul to the devil himself.”

“I am not interested in your religion.”

“I ain’t very religious myself, I admit, I was using it for emphasis. But the point is, Jim ain’t kind-hearted and mild-mannered when you give him the chance to fight back.”

“I do not intend to harm him again.” Bones nodded.

“Good. Cause if you did, you’d have to deal with more than just him, kid,” He said, moving closer and stepping into Solkar’s personal space. Notably, Solkar didn’t step away. “You’d have to deal with me.” 

“That is not much to ‘deal’ with,” Solkar returned easily.

“Oh, you’ve got a mouth, don’t ya?” Bones chuckled. “Mighty words, considering you aren't quite sure how much I can handle.”

“And just how much  _ can _ you handle?” Solkar challenged, eyes narrowing, and stepping closer. The face reminded McCoy of a cat about to swat and hiss at another cat who invaded their territory. 

“Are you sure you want to find out?”

“I am entirely sure, Doctor.” Something ignited in McCoy's blood. But he didn't get the chance to act on it, as Jim walked back into the apartment.

“Coast is clear… you guys okay?” Jim was looking at them warily. 

“We're fine, Jimmy,” Bones said as the two stepped away from each other. 

“Yeah… alright, well, we'll get outta your hair,” Jim said, grabbing his robes. 

“Be safe, dumbass,” Bones spoke, ruffling Jim’s hair. 

“I’ll be fine,” Jim said, grinning up at Bones as he fixed his curls.  

“You always say that, and yet you somehow always end up getting decked in the face by one species or another.” Jim gave a soft laugh as Solkar lifted an eyebrow at McCoy. 

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault. They always say stupid shit.” McCoy hummed, looking to Solkar.

“Avoid saying stupid shit, muffin.” The Vulcan tsked softly, looking away.

“Please desist referring to me as a baked human pastry, Doctor.”

“Alright, cupcake, whatever you want.” 

“Doctor, this shows a clear lack of professionalism-”

“If you say so, honey-bun.”

“Please st-”

“Anything for you, cookie.”

“Bones,” Jim laughed, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You’re making him uncomfortable. We’ll get going.”

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Bones asked, opening the door for the two. Jim had almost forgotten that his mother and brother would both be out until the early hours of the morning, and Winona had asked Bones to watch him. 

“Yeah,” He said, stepping out, the Vulcan trailing behind him. 

“Alrighty. ‘Till then.” 

“See ya.”

“You too.”

The young boys made their way back to their trek on the way to Jim’s home.

“What is the Doctor’s true name?” Solkar asked, looking to Jim.

“Leonard Horatio McCoy. He’s training to be a General Surgeon.”

“Is that why you call him Bones?”

“Ah, no… that’s a much longer story that I don’t have the time nor the right to tell you.” 

“I see.” 

The two walked in silence until they reached Jim’s house. It was much like the others on his street; small, a little dirty, and shabby. But Jim always saw it as his home. Solkar, on the other hand, approached with caution.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jim asked as he twisted his key into the lock and pushed the door open. 

“This seems like a very unsafe shelter,” Solkar said. 

“You’re an ass,” Jim grumbled, putting his bag and robes down on the couch.

“I hardly see the connection between-”

“Shut up. We need to figure out how we’re gonna do this project.” Solkar clenched his jaw.

“I do not appreciate the manner in which you speak to me.”

“Well, I don’t appreciate the manner in which you  _ decked me in the face,  _ so let’s call it even.”

“I do not have to put up with your human nonsense.”

“And yet, you’re here.”

Solkar stepped toward Jim.

“You may have T’Pring, Spock, and Sinyl under the impression that the humans might actually do some good, but you have yet to convince me.”

“Funny, I was just about to say the same thing about Vulcans,” Jim hissed, eyes narrowing.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“For the last two generations, your people have been absolutely no help to us. In fact, you may have caused us more harm than good!”

“We saved you!”

“You gave up on us!” 

“After you proved to be of little to no use!” 

“You’re so fucking full of it,” Jim snapped. “We never got the chance to prove ourselves because you people never gave us the chance!”

“You never gave us a good reason to!”

“I don’t know how to explain to you that you should give a fuck about other people, you big green dumbass!”

“And I do not know how to explain to you that your species barely qualifies as people!”

_ That’s the last fucking straw. _

Jim lunged forward, throwing all of his body weight onto the Vulcan, forcing him down with a loud thud. Jim slammed the heel of his palm into Solkar’s eye, who let out a shout of pain and all but threw Jim off of him. The Vulcan advanced on Jim, who scrambled to get up and dodged a fist that came flying. One negative to having denser bones is that it’s hard to have fast reflexes… but one negative to having lighter bones was that they broke far more easily. Jim punched Solkar in the stomach, who gave a grunt, slouching a little. The blonde shoved Solkar back and out of his personal space, but the Vulcan caught himself easily, and Jim caught himself on the receiving end of another punch. Jim tried to move out of the way, so while he had been hit, it wasn’t nearly as forceful as the last time had been. The painful warmth spread throughout his mouth, and Jim knew his inner cheek was bleeding. He tried not to get it on the floor.

Jim wiped the side of his lips and drew up all his strength, clocking Solkar straight across the cheek, and while his own hand throbbed with pain, Solkar fell to the ground, clutching his cheekbone momentarily before stumbling up. Jim could defend himself further, if he had to, but his hand was likely already beginning to swell, and his energy was beginning to drain. Solkar wasn’t making any more advances, either.

“Don’t talk to me like you know me, Solkar,” Jim said, voice forceful despite the rising pain in is jaw and mouth. “You have no idea what it’s like to be me.”

“I don’t imagine it to be very difficult. Humans have a way of making important things seem small as a way to ease anxiety, and likely do not give it the respect it deserves as a result.”

“Every day, I wake up knowing that there are only a handful of people I can really trust. My own species thinks that I’m a traitor, Vulcans think I’m a threat to society, I thought I had made friends but it turns out that they are as quick to judge as humans are.” Jim put his hands on his waist, beginning to pace the length of the room. “I work my ass off to be as good as the rest of you, and I get no credit. You all claim that I have some underdeveloped mind, but I’m surpassing every goal set in front of me because I happen to give a fuck about my education, not just the integration. And maybe it’s the Human in me that wants the support, but not getting anything at all fucking  _ hurts,  _ okay? And T’Pring and Spock saying that I was acting like some whore for talking with Sinyl hurt too, because Spock is too fucking oblivious to realize that Sinyl is nothing more than a friend, or advisor, or whatever the fuck, and that  _ he’s  _ the one that I want! But he has to, because he listened to the personal logs, and I don’t know if he cares or doesn’t care, and he’s not making it easy to figure out! And then we get into the whole if-I-don’t-perform-well-enough-my-whole-species-will-suffer catastrophe! The future of my species solely depends on how good of a student I am! And now -  _ now  _ \- I’ve got  _ you  _ to deal with, some bone-head bastard who seemingly doesn’t mind ruining a whole species if it means some miniscule benefit for you! You are so fucking selfish, Solkar, so fucking  _ privileged,  _ and you don’t even know it! So, you giant asshole, it  _ is  _ difficult, because if it weren’t, there wouldn’t be a question of if humans deserve the same rights as Vulcans!” Jim stood red-cheeked and breathless, his anger seemingly knocked the wind out of him. Solkar was staring at him oddly, as if unpacking all of the information Jim just threw at him.

“I…” For the first time, the Vulcan seemed at a loss for words. “I am… sorry, James. For harming you, and for making assumptions about your situation. I am sorry for the tremendous amount of pressure you are under. I am sorry for not attempting to see it from your perspective… I do have but one question, however.”

“What?”

“You are romantically interested in Spock?” 

Jim’s heart just about fucking stopped. In his panic, he had let the truth slip out.

“I am,” He whispered. “And for Spock’s sake, I don’t intend to pursue it. The last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable. Solkar, please don’t tell anyone-”

“I will not lower myself to make fun of what is obvious,” Solkar replied, and Jim couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“Yeah, alright, I guess I’m not very shy about my interests… but I wasn’t exactly under the impression that all of the student body knew.”

“They do not. But you grew much closer to Spock rather than T’Pring, it was something I deduced. Sinyl, however, has made it abundantly clear that he is attempting to court you.” 

Jim laughed at the notion.

“No way. I’d notice.” 

“You are not familiar to Vulcan advances.”

“Please, explain them.”

“First, one will go out of their way to help the other. He caught you before you fell. Then, one will request spending time with another. He requested to speak and walk with you to the cafeteria. Following this comes going to your aid in a time of need. You were hurt after what T’Pring and Spock said to you, and he sat beside you when you moved away. Soon to come, it is logical he may turn to either human advances to make it clearer, he will begin to ward off others who potentially find you attractive, or he will begin the process of proving to you that he would be a suitable mate.”

“Wh-” Jim furrowed his eyebrows, putting his hands on his hips. “I’m almost fifteen years old, I can’t fucking- I  _ won’t  _ get… mated!” 

Solkar lifted an eyebrow.

“You are entitled to certain rights when it comes to claiming. You have the right of choice. You do not have to accept his offer. You also have the right to slow the progression of your relationship, and the right to request a… I believe your people call it a restraining order.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s a little much… I’ll just… I dunno, tell him I’m not interested.”

“That will be sufficient. Just make it clear that you are not using the human tactic of ‘playing hard to get’.”

“I’m not  _ that  _ shallow, Solkar… though, that reminds me of something. You and Bones seemed to be very into each other.” 

Jim looked on in amusement as the Vulcan turned a faint green hue, perked up a little.

“I do not understand your meaning, Kirk.”

“I’m sure you do, muffin.” Solkar’s eyebrows furrowed a little as he opened and closed his mouth, cheeks turning a darker shade.

_ “Desist. _ That is not the purpose of my coming here.” Jim laughed, putting his hands up.

“Give me a second to rinse out my mouth, and we’ll get to work.” Solkar nodded and took a seat on the couch as Jim went into the bathroom, turned on the sink, and began to rinse his mouth. Though the pain was beginning to settle in, it seems he had made a friend of Solkar; Sarek was right all along. Jim spit out the bloodied water a moment later and made his way back into the living room. Jim grabbed his PADD and sat beside him, pulling up a notes application. “So… similarities.”

“Vulcans and Humans coexist on the same planet.”

“That’s a bullshit answer… write it down, though.” Solkar swiftly typed it into the notes. “Humans also value logic.” Solkar looked at him strangely.

“You do?”

“Yeah, we just need more than that. Logic is one thing, but whether or not it’s ethical is another.”

“I understand your perspective.” Solkar wrote down the example.

“Thanks.” Solkar said nothing, giving some more thought.

“Perhaps it is best if we teach each other more of our cultures, first,” Solkar suggested.

“We could do like… A day per topic? Say that the next school day we introduce the topic of Art & Music, the following day mathematical approaches, so on and so forth.”

“A logical approach. Seeing as we do not have a plan for today, what do you wish to discuss?”

“...Let’s talk about living situations. You seemed to be interested in that on our way over.”

“Yes,” Solkar said, looking more interested. “I do have questions.”

“Ask away.”

“What type of economy do the humans have?” 

“Capitalism.” Solkar gave Jim a blank stare. “Capitalism is a system where trade and industry is controlled by private owners for profit, rather than the state.”

“That leads to monopolies, poverty, and it is very likely to lead to political manipulation. I fail to see the logic in it.” Jim chuckled.

“You’re not wrong. But humans associate capitalism with freedom, because some old guys like 400 years ago said it was a good thing because of a bunch of taxes from the Royals in the UK. Capitalism did liberate those in the United States, but it did not age well. But no one wanted to admit that, because the United States was seen as a political and economic powerhouse after World War II, and so capitalism had the connotation of freedom and wealth and power, even if that’s not true.”

“Why didn’t the government do anything?”

“What government wants to admit their flaws?”

“...A valid point. But it seems to be accelerated here, why not discard of the government and rebuild with a new one?”

“You make it sound so simple, but it’s not,” Jim laughed.

“Any government that purposefully makes it so that changing it is difficult is no longer a government; it is a dictatorship.” 

“You’re preaching to the choir, buddy. But I’m just one man, I can’t change it.”

“But you are brave enough to push for integration?”

“Integration of two species is  _ way  _ easier than trying to overthrow my own government.”

“But are you not, in a way, overthrowing your government by integrating?” Jim looked at Solkar quizzically. “It is a sharp change, something I have come to understand that your government is reluctant to do.”

“Overthrow and amend are two different things.”

“Humans tend to think in extremes.”

“Valid.”

Solkar hummed and looked at the time. 

“My transportation will be here in ten minutes.” 

“Let’s get moving,” Jim said, and the two got up. Solkar collected his things and the two began to make their way through the allies, toward the gates. “Hey, Solkar?”

“Yes?”

“Sorry about punching you.” 

Solkar was quiet for a long moment.   


“Likewise, James.” 

The two finished their trek in silence, sitting outside the gates for only a few moments as Tarrul drove the distance. Solkar and Jim exchanged ta’als before the Vulcan slid into the vehicle, and the two drove away.


	8. Chapter 8

Jim was glad to have the weekend to himself. His mother and brother had only Sunday off, technically, but they always ended up doing overtime. So, knowing that he wouldn’t see his family, Jim just went to Bones’ place. At least then he wouldn’t have to sit in silence. He made his way through dirt roads as the sun began to set over the horizon, the cool blanket of the night settling over the humans like a calming breath of relief. Homes of the families that could afford to turned on their lights, some of the light spilling onto the lesser fortunate, the ones who couldn’t even afford a home. The sense of community he found was one that only treated the symptoms, but not the problem. They would give water, food, blankets, somo even letting the homeless shower in their homes, but they refuse to truly look at the source and remove it. The humans have gotten too used to class systems. Jim had gotten a taste of what life could be, if only the humans didn’t measure their worth by their yearly income. 

This saddened Jim as he stepped into his best friend’s home, the other side of Johnny Cash’s vinyl now playing as Bones ate on the couch, studying his medical textbooks.

“Hey, kid,” Bones said through a mouthful of beans. “Yours is in the pot.” Jim walked to the stove, where a small old cast iron pot with some beans filled just enough to cover the bottom. Jim knew Bones had given him the bigger portion. He grabbed a bowl, one of two, and scraped the rest of it in. He washed the pot with as little water he could, washing thoroughly with a bar of soap. Any liquid soap was a luxury. Jim and Bones had put in a silent agreement that as long as Jim cleaned, Bones would cook. 

Though, Jim wasn't quite sure how he could focus. Spock, Solkar, Sinyl, the stupid project, and T'Pring were chasing around his thoughts and crashing waves of anxiety over his mind. He wasn't sure how well he could trust Solkar to keep his secret. He had no reason to. It was the perfect opportunity to humiliate him, Hell, Jim might have even taken the vengeful route if he were in Solkar's shoes. He has just made friends with Spock, and now he may lose him because of a stupid crush. And Sinyl, well, they had just become friends and somehow, that was a fucking proposal or some shit. Jim didn't want Sinyl, he wanted Spock, and in some dumbass fit of rage, confessed all of this to the closest thing to an archenemy he had, and somehow maybe managed to befriend him in the process. _What the fuck even is my life anymore._

"You seem awfully preoccupied. What's goin' on in your brain, kid?" Bones' words shook Jim out of his train of thought. 

"Well, may as well catch you up," Jim sighed as he moved to sit next to Bones. "Promise not to be mad?"

"No."

"Bones, c'mon."

"I will definitely tell you when you're being a dumbass, Jimmy, that's always been a fact."

"...I fell for a Vulcan." McCoy looked at Jim for a long moment, eyes wide with a healthy mix of surprise, confusion, and a tinge of frustration. 

"You _what?"_ McCoy asked, dumbfounded. 

"...I fell for a Vulcan, and another one is supposedly trying to seduce me, and all of this was brought to my attention by Solkar… Oh, and by the way, I definitely saw how you spoke with each other."

"Jim, try as you might, ya can't redirect my attention. You like a Vulcan?" Bones paused a moment, thinking about what he should say next. Jim was sure he looked as fearful as he felt. "...What's his name?"

"Spock," Jim replied. "He's… different, Bonesy. He's as intelligent and as blunt as they come, but he respects me and listens to me. He calmed me down like twice from the verge of a panic attack, he's been teaching me how to do better in my skill domes, I… I even slept with him."

"You _slept_ with him?!"

"No! Well, yes, but- not like that!" Jim's face had turned a bright red. "We were studying and it got late and I fell asleep against him."

“Good lord, boy, damn near gave me a heart attack-” Bones huffed, hand over his heart. “Never, _never_ tell me when you start having sex, unless it’s a medical reason.” Jim grimaced a little, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well…” 

“Jim!”

“Sorry, sorry-” Jim suffocated a grin. Sometimes messing with his best friend was just too easy.

“Now, who’s this other Vulcan that’s tryin’ to... _seduce_ you?” Bones drew a look of disgust at the word ‘seduce’. 

“Sinyl,” Jim sighed, leaning back against the arm rest. “I’ll level with you. The man is downright gorgeous, and kind, and courteous. But I just met the guy, and I’m not into that Romeo and Juliet shit.” 

“What’s so wrong with Romeo and Juliet?” Bones inquired.

“Angsty, horny teenage boy meets naive teenage girl, immediately wants to get into her pants claiming love, they get married secretly, they bonk, six people die, and all in the span of, like, less than four days. No one is happy in the end.”

“No, but the city has peace,” Bones pointed out. “The Montagues and the Capulets aren’t fighting anymore. Do the needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many?”

“Do the ends justify the means?”

“Touché. But this ain’t Shakespeare.”

“No, it’s not.” Jim stirred the beans in his bowl. They were probably getting cold. “But everything’s one hell of a tragedy, isn’t it?”

“Well, you know the formula. Comedy equals tragedy plus time. So you just give it some time and do your best, kid, everything will be alright.” Bones gave Jim a soft smile, and Jim returned it. 

And as the sun set on the Forge, Jim looked out the window, eating his now room temperature beans with a mind as weighted as his heart. Leonard McCoy puts in a different Johnny Cash record while he lights candles to study through the night, and deeply solemn words fill the room with a heavy air: ‘ _Now I been out in the desert, just doin' my time, searchin' through the dust, lookin' for a sign... if there's a light up ahead, well brother I don't know... but I got this fever burnin' in my soul.’_

 

Jim’s weekend was spent in his best friends’ home, studying, cleaning, and napping until he went home Sunday afternoon. He took a shower, scrubbing himself clean, then stepped out, dried off, dressed, and made his way to the kitchen to see what food they had for dinner. The answer: not much. His body was just going through the motions. He had to come up with a plan for Monday, and the best he had so far was telling Sinyl that he was only interested in being friends with him. He couldn’t help but worry that Sinyl might use this as a reason to hate him, to spread false rumors. 

Another part of him knew that was wrong, Vulcans and Humans in society aren’t the same, they don’t spread rumors, at least not to Jim’s knowledge. Sinyl wouldn’t hurt him like that. That being said, he appreciated having Sinyl as a friend, and knew there was a strong possibility that he might leave. And Spock. Oh, that pointy-eared, brilliant dumbass really thought that he wanted Sinyl. Or maybe he was just as confused and afraid as Jim was. The personal logs still wrought anxiety, and Jim had stopped making them. He missed it. But they seemed a hell of a lot less personal, now. He wasn’t mad at Spock for listening to them, in fact, he was almost glad that he did. It got rid of the experience of saying it to his face. But it also meant that he had no choice but for Spock to know how he felt, and Jim had gone through a lot of trouble to not let any Vulcan see how he felt, ever. But he wanted this, didn’t he? He wanted Spock to know, out of some faint idea that maybe, just maybe, a Vulcan _could_ date a human, if Sinyl was any evidence to prove Vulcans could be interested. 

_When did life get so fucking hard?_

 

The events of the past week have not gotten past the young Vulcan unnoticed. Spock found himself thinking more and more of the situation on hand, whether or not he reciprocated Jim’s feelings, whether or not he _could_ reciprocate those feelings, and whether or not Jim still felt that way. After meeting Sinyl, and the now blatantly obvious invasion of Jim’s privacy with the listening of his personal logs, it was logical to believe that Spock may have lost his chance with the human. This troubled Spock; and Amanda was starting to catch on, because one night, when it was once again the two of them, she finally spoke up.

“Alright, kiddo, what’s going on?” She asked, setting down her fork and leaning back in her seat. Spock looked up at his caretaker, tilting his head a little.

“To what are you referring?” He asked.

“Whatever’s bothering you.”

“Vulcans cannot be bother-”

“Spock, I’m being serious. What are you thinking about?” She asked, voice soft, but meaning serious. Spock pursed his lips a moment, averting his attention to his dinner. 

“James.”

“What about him?”

“I… may have listened to his personal logs. I discovered that he has romantic feelings toward me.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it? I know you had some thoughts about him yourself.”

“Amanda, please,” Spock chided, looking up at her, and she just grinned.

“You’re not telling me everything… I know this may not mean much to you, but I give you my word that I won’t be upset. Or tell your mother and father.” Spock was quiet a long moment.

“When he stayed with us, I-Chaya, James and myself were seated in my bedroom. She sat up suddenly and hit James’ jaw, and he was in a lot of pain. I was concerned that he may had dislocated his jaw again, we don’t have any medication for pain strong enough, and the Healers would not get here fast enough, so… I melded with him.” Amanda’s eyes widened in shock, but didn’t say anything. “T’Pau said I had been stunted in my telepathic abilities, but I managed to help him with ease. His mind was colorful, and loud, and there was little to no sense and yet, it was warm, and... beautiful. He could communicate to me within his mind. I didn’t stay long. Amanda, I have never achieved that level of metal compatibility with T’Pring. I believe there is something more between James and I, and I do not know what it is. I would bring it up with T’Pau, but I am more than aware of the questions she will ask me in return, and I have no answers to give without exposing everything. Of course, it was this week that a classmate named Sinyl decided Jim was a potential mate, and has made it clear that he intends to court Jim, and I had a minor miscommunication with Jim that… insinuated promiscuity on his end in relation to Sinyl. I wish to apologize to him, to make him aware of my own stance, but I am struggling to discover what my stance is, and whether or not James will accept my apology.”

Amanda stared at Spock, processing everything he had said. She placed a hand on his arm softly.

“Spock… In the end, it’s Jim who decides who he wants to be with. You can apologize, but you can’t make him reciprocate, especially when you don’t know how you feel, and that’s okay. You don’t have to know. You’re only fifteen, baby, nothing’s easy right now… But I think that if you tell him everything you told me, then he’ll be a lot more understanding. Jim is a nice boy, he won’t make fun of you or get aggressive. They wouldn’t have allowed him into ShiKahr if he were. And no matter what happens, I’m here for you, okay?” 

Spock nodded, and Amanda gave his arm a gentle squeeze, gathering up their dishes and taking them to the bin. Spock excused himself to meditate on what she said, and while her words helped calm his concerns, they were far from gone. 

 

Jim stepped out of the vehicle as it rolled to a stop in front of the school. He had a gameplan today - or at least the beginnings of one. And as it turned out, this gameplan would be going into action sooner rather than later, because Sinyl’s eyes found Jim in an instant, and he was making his way over. Thanking Tarrul, Jim stiffened a little at the sight of him, and took a deep breath.

“James, I trust your break was sufficient?” Sinyl asked. _Not really._

“Yeah, I got to do a lot of thinking about… about what I want.” He looked to Sinyl, and led him to a more secluded part of the courtyard. “Sinyl, I know that you’re attempting to court me. And as flattered as I am, and trust me, if I hadn’t already seen someone that I’m interested in, you would be up there, I… I just want to be friends. Or advisors - I think that’s what you call them.” 

“I see. I assume that the person to which you are referring is Spock?” Sinyl asked, though surprisingly without malice. 

“...Yes.”

“Though I do not fully understand the human complexities of emotion, I do know that should it turn out that you two can be together… He would be very lucky to have you, as you humans say. Anyone would be.” Jim gave Sinyl a smile, a genuine human smile that had some Vulcans who happened to be looking their way do a double take.

“Thank you, Sinyl. And trust me, you are a handsome and intelligent young man, you have literally swept me off my feet. Whoever is so lucky as to be your partner is going to be so incredibly cherished. You will be a wonderful mate.” Sinyl nodded softly, and Jim could see the hint of a smile. Part of him wanted to reach out and hug him, but he knew that would be sending some severe mixed signals. He let the smile dissipated and he found Spock in the crowd of Vulcans. Saying his goodbyes to Sinyl, he began to make his way over. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to sit down both T’Pring and Spock, and tell them how he felt, if it could mean anything to them. But that was just wishful thinking. 

And of course, the quiet bell rang throughout the courtyard, and Jim tried not to let his annoyance show on his face. He just wanted to get it all out of the way. He turned around and began to make his way to the skill domes. He really hoped he could get his mind off of everything to focus.

 

With the new knowledge that he could sit while he worked, his legs were _incredibly_ thankful through the first half of the day. His posture could use some work (Jim didn’t know what he was surprised, Vulcans can meditate for seemingly hours on the hard ground), but a healthy balance of standing and sitting seem to have alleviated the majority of the pain that would normally bother him by the time their lunch break came around. He hopped out of the skill dome, following behind the crowd and looking around for Spock. He saw him beginning to leave the second curriculum room, and he weaved through the crowd deftly without making any contact with the Vulcans.

“Come with me,” He murmured to Spock, giving his sleeve a gentle tug as he passed. They took a different route than they normally did, ending up in a small alcove outside the bathrooms. Most people were in the cafeteria and the rest were either outside or in the greenhouse to the right of the mess hall, so Jim wasn’t concerned about being seen.

“What’s wrong?” Spock asked, eyebrows furrowed in apprehension. 

“Nothing is wrong, I just… didn’t want anyone else to hear this without context.” Jim’s blood was in his fucking ears. He couldn’t feel his heart anymore, and he hoped he wasn’t breathing too hard. “...I told Sinyl that he and I are nothing more than friends.” Spock’s face shifted to a hint of surprise, and Jim’s cheeks turned red. “Make of that what you will-” He squeaked, and went to rush away out of sheer embarrassment, when Spock caught his forearm and pulled him back against the wall, eyes looking into Jim’s with a deep interest that sent a chill down his spine.

“It is no secret that I listened to your personal logs… And I apologize for the invasion of privacy. Truly. I let curiosity get the better of me, but I do believe I learned something that allowed me to truly think about how I… feel. For you.” 

Jim braced himself for rejection.

“I find you an incredibly intriguing person, James. You are so new, so different, and I want the chance to explore everything about you. With your permission, I would like to court you.”

“Spock-” Jim’s voice gave out in a soft, surprised breath. That was not at _all_ what Jim was expecting to hear today. “Y-Yeah, I just- I wanna ask about the whole betrothed thing-”

“T’Pring and I decided long ago that we do not wish to marry each other. We are close advisors, and nothing else. She has courted in the past... I was waiting for someone like you.”

“You keep talking sweet like that and I’ll melt,” Jim laughed softly, smiling bashfully. It didn’t help that Spock had him damn near cornered in a public space, and it exhilarated him. “I would love to be your boyfriend - that’s pretty much the human equivalent to what you’re offering, just so you know.”

"Boyfriend," Spock echoed, tasting the word on his tongue. "What does this entail?"

"Well… it means we are romantically involved, and we don't have other partners. We take care of each other when we need it, we listen to each other, we compromise, we can make romantic gestures, whether it be terms of endearment or physically or whatever, but we go at whatever pace is comfortable for us… It means that I'm yours, and you're mine." 

"I am very amenable to these terms. May I ask what pace you're comfortable with?"

"I think we should start by educating each other on our signs of affection. Though, I can already see some similarities. Touching, for the most part, can be seen as romantic, though for humans it depends on the kind of relationship. And - ah - proximity to each other-" Jim flushed a darker red and he realized truly how close Spock was. He was no longer holding his arm, but his hand was gently encircled around his wrist, not squeezing or forcing him to stay, just petting small circles into the side of his wrist with his thumb. He saw a mischievous, and slightly amused glint in Spock's eyes.

"I can also see these similarities. Though, humans have different signs of affection."

"Yes, um- for boyfriends, we can go as far as we like, so long as we are both consenting, and that extends into betrothal and marriage… The basic one is a kiss-" Jim looked away, embarrassed and trying not to smile too much. Spock would never let him live this down. "Um- Kissing is pressing your lips to someone else and sort of applying pressure… Kissing can be done anywhere on the body and where you kiss has different connotations."

"Such as?"

"Kissing on the cheek, forehead, nose, or top of the head is endearing. Family members or very close friends are allowed to do that for me - and only two friends of mine do that, a girl named Nyota, and a boy named Pavel. So if you see it, don't freak out… Kissing on the mouth is intimate,though it kind of depends on how long you do it and, um… how passionately-" He almost choked on his words, and he could have sworn he saw Spock smile, just a little bit, before it turned back into its' normal stoic line. "Kissing the jaw and neck is sensual, and- um- I'm sorry, can I just-" Jim reached forward, Spock's eyes following his left hand move to his shoulder, then slid to rest on his chest. "For my own comfort." Spock nodded his consent. 

"Go on."

"Oh, yeah, uh- Kissing the navel, waist… and everything down until your calves is considered… sexual." Jim was bright red by the time he finished. Spock moved his free hand behind Jim, placing his hand just between his shoulder blades, and sliding it down to the small of his back. Jim suffocated the whimper that rose to his throat.

"And what about the back?" Spock asked.

"The entirety of- of the back is, um-" Jim couldn't look in Spock's eyes. He genuinely didn't know how he was still conscious. "Sensual. It's sensual. Borderline sexual." 

"Fascinating," Spock murmured, eyes glancing to Jim's lips. "May I ask for a demonstration? Scientific curiosity, of course."

"'C-Course," Jim stuttered. _How the_ hell _was he so smooth?_ "Just- follow my lead-" Jim began to lean forward, heart pounding so hard he was sure Spock could feel it. They inched closer and closer until-

_Ring!_

Of course. The bell. 

"Just my luck," Jim breathed out in a soft laugh. The two pulled away rather reluctantly (Jim's own stupid human teenage hormones were buzzing around his body, and he had to focus on not letting them reach below his waist and cause one _hell_ of a problem), and began to walk toward the curriculum halls. Jim was itching to give him that demonstration. 

"James," Spock said softly. Jim turned to look at him, and Jim knew that if he were Human, he would look absolutely smug. "If your schedule allows for it, would you be interested in staying at my home tomorrow night?" Jim's heart skipped a beat.

"Yeah, I just need to ask my Mom, but it should be fine… Pretty good timing, too. I'll say it's for my birthday."

"Birthday?"

"Humans have a small celebration amongst family and friends on the anniversary of our birth."

"Fascinating. And when is your birthday?"

"Wednesday. I'll be fifteen years old."

“Then perhaps your staying over will be our small birthday celebration for you.”

“Well, I don’t want to make your family celebrate-”

“My mother and father are off planet for a diplomatic meeting with the Klingons. My brother has been spending less and less time at our dwelling. It will likely just be myself, I-Chaya, Amanda, and you - if you can join us.” Jim smiled softly.

“Alright. But promise me that it will be small.”

“Vulcans need not promise - we cannot lie.”

“Then tell me that it will be small.”

“It will be small.”

“Thank you.” 

The last of the students were trickling into both curriculum halls, and Jim knew that if they didn’t leave, the teachers would come out and chastise them. 

“I’m going to the Expanse with Solkar after school today. We may not be able to really talk after class. So…” Jim glanced around, and the hallway was empty. They likely only had a few seconds left. “I’m gonna show you some human affection.” He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Spock’s middle and squeezing softly, momentarily feeling Spock’s heartbeat against his arm before letting go and scurrying into the curriculum hall, cheeks red and heart fluttering. 

 

Jim had to admit, it was harder to focus knowing that his _boyfriend_ was in the next room over. His _Vulcan_ boyfriend. His unbelievably intelligent, super funny, unwaveringly kind (except that one time), breath-takingly beautiful _Vulcan boyfriend, Spock._ Jim was glad no one could read his thoughts, because it was a mess of human emotions that could bring the house down. It would be far too much for Vulcan minds. 

And still, Jim performed his best, not getting more than two questions wrong (due to time, not because he didn’t know the answers), and soon the lights of the skill domes dissipated, and Jim was lifting himself up off the floor of the skill dome and out of it. Solkar was already crossing over as Jim grabbed his bag, and he met Solkar half-way.

“Today we are discussing art and music,” Solkar said as the two began to make their way outside.

“Well, hello to you, too,” Jim chuckled. “Yes, we are. Did you have anything specific in mind to start with?” 

Solkar visibly hesitated.

“When we visited Doctor McCoy yesterday, there was music playing.”

“Johnny Cash. One of the most iconic musicians to have ever lived.”

“He is no longer alive?”

“His music is from the 1900s, so no.”

“That is unfortunate. However, I do believe that hearing the music will allow us to find similarities.”

“You want to go to Bones’ house again and finish that conversation I walked in on.”

“I do not appreciate what you are ins-”

“Yeah, yeah, keep it together, lover boy,” Jim replied, suffocating a laugh that would be far too inappropriate for Shikahr. Walking past the second curriculum hall, Jim caught sight of Spock, who was stepping out with T’Pring. They watched each other for only a moment before it became obvious they were staring, and in that time Jim’s cheeks were heated up again and he dug his fingernail into his thumb to keep from smiling.

“You seem distracted, James,” Solkar mentioned, eyebrows furrowed. “You are flush. Do you have any other symptoms?”

“I’ll... tell you later.” 

The two boys walked out of the learning center. It was then that a loud boom echoed throughout the canyons of the Forge. The Vulcans around him seemed much more perturbed at the noise than he was--that is, until he found the source of the boom. 

It was the Expanse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will likely be a shorter one. While I know my updating is a little unpredictable, I'm sorry to say that it may get even more hectic as school starts. But I promise I am always thinking about this and doing my best to make good content for you guys!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

A long column of black smoke was rising out of the Expanse. Fear gripped Jim in a way it never had before, and he was running before he could reason or pressure himself out of it. A mix of pointed ears and hateful eyes blurred past him, his blood rushing through his ears. His eyes never once lost sight of the rising blackness. _Please,_ he thought to himself, _I can’t lose anybody else._

The road eventually turned into sand, and sprinting became a lot more difficult. He tripped over himself, his robes, and the sand more times than he cared to admit. The sun was beating down on him harshly, and his lungs felt like flat tires, but he still moved as fast as he could. He could hear sirens within the walls, but he was still some distance away. His legs simply couldn’t move fast enough. For the first time in a long time, Jim felt utterly helpless.

It was only when a car flew past him, then stopped for him did he realize he was being followed. Amanda stuck her head out of the window, looking frantic.

“Get in!” She ordered sharply, and Jim didn’t argue. He opened the back door, finding Solkar and Spock accompanying her. Spock laid his hand on Jim’s wrist gently, and the two made eye contact. Under any other circumstances, he would be bashful and blushing and a complete stuttering mess. But all Jim could think about was the rising death toll.

“It won’t be safe for them,” He warned, looking back to Amanda. “If this was a terrorist attack, they might blame them.”

“We aren’t leaving you by yourself, Jim,” Amanda replied.

“You need to.” Amanda gave Jim a look, but his mind was too focused on the smoke that was getting larger and larger. “I won’t let them, or you, get hurt. Trust me.” Spock looked at Jim with great concern, but didn’t say anything. No one had ever outright denied Amanda anything, not even his father.

“And what if you get hurt?” She inquired. 

“I am one life.”

“Don’t you dare say that, Jim. Winona would be devastated if anything happen to you or your brother.”

“The Expanse is tightly packed, Amanda. People are already dead.”

“You don’t know that.”

But he did. In his very core, he knew people were dead and suffering. He knew the event that had just taken place was going to leave Humans extremely vulnerable. Their already unstable economy would be thrown into shambles, people who were living off of scraps would be left with nothing, and it would only fuel this blazing hatred between Humans and Vulcans, something that Jim was left to fan out on his own. Dread and fear rose in his chest. 

They stopped in front of the Expanse, and Jim looked at Amanda through the rear-view mirror.

“Take them and go. Please, Amanda.” She pursed her lips, but nodded, and Jim thanked her before getting out of the car and running toward the gates. No one was in the booths, so Jim slid the bag under the gate, and pulled himself up and over it. He fell with a thud, his right shoulder aching after the impact. People were bustling like he’d never seen before, children crying for their parents, emergency personnel rushing through the streets. Grabbing his bag, he ran and grabbed onto the back of one of the cars and hoisted himself onto the foothold, watching the world travel by. 

The air grew thicker the closer they got. His heart dropped when he realized where they were. There were at the corner of Chaparral and Eucalyptus, where exposed gas lines had been under construction for some time. He hopped off the car as it rolled to a stop, and Jim was running in before he could hear anyone tell him not to. The pit was too thick with smoke to go in. The fire brigade was unloading bags of sand to smother the fire, which Jim was only vaguely aware could explode into an even worse fire at any moment. He could hear someone in the heavy smoke. It was a young child wailing in the thickness of the smoke. Pulling the Vulcan silk over his nose and mouth, he walked into the wall, relying only on his hearing to locate them.

His eyes were stinging, and his already over-exhausted lungs were very quickly running out of air. He coughed into the silk. He could only see a foot in front of him, and he could feel the heat from the flames that burned in the pit. He prayed to whatever higher being was out there that he wouldn’t fall in. He felt completely helpless, and was struggling to hear the crying over the sirens and the yelling of people who were being told they couldn’t go looking for family members in the flames. Jim knew he wasn’t supposed to be there, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care that much.

After a few missteps and wrong turns, his eyes eventually made out bright copper hair in the midst of it all. The child was a girl, no older than three. She must have been separated from her family when the explosion hit. She hadn’t seemed to notice him yet, big tear screaming down her face and making streaks against the cheeks that had grown black from the smoke. When she did, her hands stretched out toward him, and Jim scooped her up into his arms. He stood there for a moment, holding the young girl to his chest.

“You’re alright,” He breathed, voice forced. “You’ll be fine.” He covered her nose and mouth with the silk and walked away from the heat, one arm outstretched before him to be sure he didn’t run into anything. Finally, the smoke cleared, and Jim had safely navigated out of the blinding blackness.

“Are you okay?” He asked the young girl, voice hoarse as he removed the silk from  her face. She nodded.

“Valery!” He heard a man cry, and Jim looked up to see a man being blocked by a security guard. From the same copper hair, Jim knew that Valery was this man’s daughter, and he handed Valery over to him as the security guard all but threw him out.

“Jim!” He turned around to his mother, who pulled him tight. “That was the damn stupidest thing you’ve ever done!” She scolded, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Mom,” He said urgently, giving her a quick squeeze before pulling back, but holding her hands. “Where’s Sam?” 

“I… I don’t know, baby,” she replied, tears heavy in her eyes. His heart began to race, and he weaved through the crowd, gently pulling his mother along toward the emergency personnel. He caught glimpses of himself as they passed - the smoke had turned his hair an odd shade of mixed blonde and black. Finally arriving at the site of the emergency responders, the Kirks could see bodies were being pulled from the smoke. Jim saw Bones rushing toward a particularly badly burnt woman on a stretcher. People were recognizing their family members, wailing and trying to push back against the police men and women to get to them. His eyes searched frantically until he saw a bright blonde in the midst of it all.

Laying on a blue tarp was his brother.

He wasn’t breathing.

“No,” Winona breathed, her hand tightening in Jim’s. “No, no, no, no…” Jim turned his mother away from the scene. His mind had only one goal, and that was to get his mother out as fast as possible. “Jimmy, we can’t-”

“We can, they’ll find us,” He told her gently, making a path through the tightly-knit crowd until he could finally see the street. 

“We don’t know that he’s dead, Jimmy, we should go back-” 

“He’s gone, Mom,” He whispered. “He wasn’t breathing, we saw him.”

“No!” She shouted, tears slipping own her face. “He can’t be gone!... He can’t, Jimmy, he just can’t, he can’t-” He caught his mother as she fell sobbing, crying into his shoulder and holding onto him for dear life. He closed his eyes, suffocating his own grief to focus on his mother. “I can’t lose him too, Jimmy… I just can’t…”

Jim didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know if there was anything that he _could_ say. Sam was dead, and there was nothing more to it. He felt like he should have had more of a reaction, but what good would it do? What good could feeling that pain possibly do?

 

Maybe the Vulcans are onto something.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments give me life, I would appreciate them greatly!  
> If you want updates on Aberrant, follow me on my tumblr, gatewaygeek


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